


he will never love me

by NukeandziallFTW



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Hate, M/M, Self-Harm, Smut, Unrequited Love, larry stylinson - Freeform, one direction - Freeform, ziall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-22
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 18:07:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 45
Words: 28,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2821388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NukeandziallFTW/pseuds/NukeandziallFTW





	1. The dream and the realization

Niall POV  
our bodies are intertwined as we cuddle.. the kisses became more frequent.. i feel zayn moving his hand down my body and towards my boxers he slips his hand in an starts stroking me  
" god zayn that feels good"  
he kisses me one the lips then he plants chaste kisses down my neck and on his way down he plays with my nipples it makes me moan " zaaayyn"  
he pulls my pants off and takes my full length in my mouth and he starts sucking my dick like the greek god he is he gets faster and faster and then he swallows me completely and a surge of ecstasy runs through my body and then i cum in his mouth and scream " ZAYN"  
"Nialler are you ok?" I heard someone say.  
I ignore them and I fall back asleep but before I even think about dreaming I get shaken awake.  
"What the fuck do you want?" I say.  
I see that its Louis.  
"Nialler, why were you dreaming about Zayn?" He asks looking like a sad puppy.  
"I....I..... Might fancy him" I squeak out.  
All Louis says is "oh".  
Then he leaves the room and I hear sobbing.  
Great job idiot now he is crying, wait why the fuck is he crying!!!  
Shit I gotta go see whats wrong with him.  
I tip toe down the stairs and my heart drops when I see Louis and Zayn snogging on the couch.  
they are practically eating their faces off . they are so into the kiss they look as if they are in lust not in love. a pang of hurt and sadness and helplessness surges through my body and i start to cry quietly  
I run upstairs and slam the door shut.  
I dig through my draws and find a shiny blade i find it and then all of the urges come back and the its like the blade is mocking me and it is laughing at me.  
Making sure my door is locked, I drag the blade across my chest letting the ruby red blood stream from the jagged cuts the razor left on my powder white skin.  
"Nialler, whats wrong?" I hear from the door. " Why is the door locked?"  
I think of a lie. "Didn't want anyone walking in on me while I am in the shower, sorry bout that Lili."  
I sob a little.  
"Nialler are you crying? You know you can tell me anything."  
"No I am fine liam."  
"Ok well just remember I am here for you."  
Liams POV  
Whats wrong with Nialler?i mean he does cry but he will usually let me into the room I have to find out.  
I remember that you can get into Niallers room from his window.  
I run outside and I pull myself up to his window but I stop because what I see shocks me.  
Nialler is sitting on his bed with a blood covered razor in his shaking hand hand and blood all over the place it breaks my heart to see the cheerful little boy looking sad and hopeless i need to help him  
I pull myself up the rest of the way but I fall startling him and he hides the cut.  
"Nialler, why did you do that?"  
"Because I am in love with Zayn but he loves Louis." He says sobbing.  
I put my arm around him and I put pressure on the cut with his shirt he winces in pain starts crying just from the pain from the cut.  
I ask, " How do you know/"  
"I saw them snogging on the couch this morning." He says sobbing louder.  
I hear a knock at the door.  
"Nialler? Are you ok? Its Zayn."  
I whisper to him repeat what I say.  
"Zayn leave me alone I dont want to talk to you."  
Sure enough he repeats it.  
"But Nialler, I am worried about you, I care about you," Zayn says.  
"If you cared about me you wouldn't be down there snogging Louis like you are about to fuck him.. god are you a fucking slut like really." The words slip out of his mouth.  
"Ni? Let me in Now."  
"No Zayn get the fuck away," he screams.  
I hear the door getting broken down and I run to the bathroom.  
"Nialler what did you do" I hear Zayn say, somewhat muffled damn door.  
"Get out Zayn I think you have caused enough pain," he says crying.  
"Whatever!" Zayn says walking out. "Btw Niall, tell Liam and Harry we are having a meeting in 15 minutes. Me and Lou have something important to tell you."  
So what do you think so far i thought it was kinda boring but idk plz comment  
Next chapter is the meeting what do you think its about any guesses leave as a comment


	2. The Meeting

Liams POV   
"Come on Nialler."  
"I dont want to go," he whines." they are just going to judge me. i thought they were my friends but i guess not"  
"Come on Nialler stop being a baby," Harry says as he rushes by .  
"No I am not going and thats that," he says slamming his door .  
I join Harry, Louis and Zayn downstairs.  
"Liam, wheres Niall?" Asks Lou and Zayn at the same time.  
"He is busy" I say.  
"What? He too busy cutting himself?" Lou says .  
I tell Lou to fuck off .  
"So what was so important that we have to hear," Harry asks.  
"Well me and uh Zayn are dating." Lou says nervously.  
I hear two sobs one from upstairs and one from Harry then harry runs upstairs and I hear a door slam.  
I run after him checking his room and he is not there then i check Nialls room .  
I see them both on the floor holding each other in an embrace and tears puddled up in their eyes. A puddle of crimson red blood surrounds both of their limp and colorless bodies.  
I yell to zayn and lou to call 911 and they run upstairs. They burst into tears seeing their to best friends lying on the floor passed out Almost dying. 

I kinda ended it short cus i am tired and i want to go to bed but how does it sound so far comments plzzzzzz


	3. The hospital

Zayns POV   
"Lou bear, this is all my fault!" i say with tears   
"Zaynie, no its not." Says Lou in between sobs.  
"Yes it is. Why couldn't we have kept us a secret?" I say quietly.  
"Because I couldn't lose you Zayn," snaps Lou.   
"Well, obviously all you care about is yourself, because of you Niall and Harry are in the hospital!" I say crying. "Why did you even want to tell everyone anyway?"  
"Zayn I told you because Niall has feelings for you, ok? I didnt want to lose you, because i am jealous of niall... i can tell you love him" Lou says trying to choke out his words .  
"But I don't have feelings for him Lou, i could never have feelings for someone like him especially like this. louis I only love you. Niall is only my friend nothing more and thats all he will ever be," I say loud enough for only Lou to hear.  
Niallers POV   
"But I dont have feelings for him Lou, I only love you. Niall is only my friend nothing more and thats all he will ever be," Zayn whisper but I over hear it.  
My mind starts racing i feel so worthless and pathetic and that no one would ever miss me then my heart beat increases.   
I hear the machine.  
Beep................... Beep.............. Beep..... Beep.. Beep. Beep beep beep beep beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep   
Then the world goes black.  
Zayns POV   
"Lou, what is that beeping coming from?" I say.   
"I dont know baby," Lou says confused.  
I turn around and look at the heart beat thingy and its going crazy. Then all of a sudden the line goes flat. I get worried and touch Nialls face and it is cold.  
I scream "LOU GET A DOCTOR HE IS DYING !!!!!!!!!!!"  
Cliffhanger!!!!!!!!  
Whats going to happen to niall and what about harry is he ok comment it up bitches!!!!!!!!! Lol jk


	4. Sorry

Zayn's POV

"Lou we have to stop this its hurting him" I say crying.

"Zayn we have to keep doing this unless you want him to die" Lou says seriously.

LOUIS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!! I scream.

 

"You wouldn't understand" LOU says crying.

"I DO FUCKING UNDERSTAND LOUIS, I UNDERSTAND OUR BESTFRIENDS ARE DYING AND YOU ARE BEING A SELF-CENTERED FUCK AND YOU KNOW WHAT WE ARE DONE DO YOU GET THAT WE ARE OVER JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!".

I SEE LOUIS RUN OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING, AND I SEE NIALL SQUIRMING IN THE BED.

 

Niallers POV 

I CANT BELIEVE I DID THAT TO HIM I BROKE THEM UP I AM JUST A WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT.

I ruined my best friends relationship I dont deserve him why couldn't they have just left me and let me die.

"Nialler are you awake" Zayn says crying " I need you".

"Zaynie" I say horsely and breathing deeply because my lungs are hurting.

" Yah Ni" he responds.

" I am sorry" I say trying to hold back the tears.

" For what " he says.

" For being such a waste" I say.

" You're not a waste hun" he says.

" Can I see my phone plz?" I choke out.

He hands its to me and I show it to him all the pictures of the hateful posters I see at concerts.

"Niall this stuff isn't true and you know that" he says hugging me tight.

"Z can you give me sometime alone plz".

"Yah Ni but you have to promise me that you will not do anything stupid" he says.

All that escapes my mouth is "yeah".

He leaves the room.

I log on to twitter and check my what people are tweeting. I see one tweet that says:

@niallhoranofficial

@fagsmustdie why didnt you cut deeper maybe next time you will leave this world forever you fag. I hope you burn in hell you faggot.

I pull my case off my phone and see they didn't take my razor from it. I need to do this... I need to be going I don't deserve zayn and friends like him... I don't deserve love.

I write my fans one last letter through twitter.

@ niallhoranoffical

To all my amazing fans you gave me the best life ever and I love all of you but this life just isn't something I can take. @realiampayne I will miss you and you are the best friend I could ever ask for. @zaynmalik I love you more than I should and I think thats what put me over the edge plz dont hate me I know you said dont do anything stupid but I cant go on. @louistomlinson I am sorry I ruined everything for you and zayn but now that I am out of the way you can have him all to yourself and that he deserves you more than I ever did. @harrystyles I hope you pull through this and your secret will be safe with me and its best to just move on so you dont have to go through what I did. Goodbye guys.

I hit the tweet button and I run the thin metal blade across my cold pale skin. I see the viscous blood flows out of my freezing body. Then my entire world world went black. All of the memories flashed before me the day I got into XFactor, the day I didn't make it as a solo artist and the day we were put together. All the happy memories.


	5. His Fate

Zayns P.O.V  
i feel bad for nialler he truely loves me and i don't feel the same about him i only feel that way about lou. it breaks my heart seeing him that fragile and broken and its all my fault i cant bring myself to go see harry because he was my best buddy. i sort of had a connection to him when we first met but it was more of a brotherly relationship and i know that he feels the same way but i think that he loves louis. i need to get my mind off of this. i walk outside to go smoke a cigarette and i just get my mind off of things maybe i might just go on twitter. i log on and scroll through some boring old tweets but then i see a tweet from niall that says  
@ niallhoranoffical  
to all my amazing fans you gave me the best life ever and i love all of you but this life just isnt something i can take @realiampayne i will miss you and you are the best friend i could ever ask for. @zaynmalik i love you more than i should and i think thats what put me over the edge plz dont hate me i know you said dont do anything stupid but i cant go on. @louistomlinson i am sorry i ruined everything for you and zayn but now that i am out of the way you can have him all to yourself and that he deserves you more than i ever did. @harrystyles i hope you pull through this and your secret will be safe with me and its best to just move on so you dont have to go through what i did. goodbye guys  
i break down and i cry my eyes out i run into his room and i see his body limp and the sheets soaked with the irish boys blood and it hurts... am i really doing this to him.i call the doctors in and they rush in and push me out of the room i pull out my phone and i start texting  
to lou-lou, leeyyyummm,  
get here right now niall tried kiiling himself again check twitter.  
from lou-lou  
what happened  
from leeyyyummm  
why??  
to leeyyyummm, lou-lou  
i dont know just get here right now!!!!!!!  
Liams P.O.V  
why did he do this??? he knows that me and harry care about him and i know that zayn cares and louis can't stay mad at him.  
i leave harry alone in his room and run to niallers room tears pouring down  
i see louis sitting there like nothings wrong and i grab him and pull him to zayn who is on the floor crying and saying it is his fault and he killed niall and he is the reason why harry is in a coma i see that zayn is falling apart and that he is going crazy.  
i pull zayn into a hug and i see louis give me daggers and i let go of zayn and let louis comfort him.  
the doctor comes out and ask for "liam payne" i say "yes"  
she says "its a 50%50% chance he will make it because he lost so much blood before he wasn't able to replace the blood.  
i try to hold in the tears then she says "you can go see him now"  
i walk over to zouis and tell them " we can see him"  
we walk in the room and there is our innocent little nialler extremely pale and cold. i place my hand on his face and i feel his soft skin and then i feel the scars the new and the old... how long has he been doing this.  
i pull lou to the side and ask him whats wrong  
he says " zayn broke up with me"  
"why" i say holding in tears  
"he said that we cant keep secrets because people get hurt because of them"  
"what secret is he talking about" i say almost angry at him  
" me and him were set up because niall went to management saying he was gay for zayn. so they called us in to tell us we had to date to make him jealous. so we did it but we didnt expect it to be this bad" he says crying  
i scream at him " you didnt think it was that bad you couldnt see how he looked at zayn. you couldnt fucking tell how he felt. if he wakes up you have to tell him."  
"i cant " he chokes out  
"WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU. YOU DO SEE THE POSTERS AT CONCERTS THEY ALWAYS GIVE NAILLER THE MOST HATE AND THERE ARE ALWWAYS TWEETS THAT TELL HIM TO LEAVE THE BAND AND LOUIS YOU ARE NEVER THERE WHEN HE READS THOSE TWEETS AND HE BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS BECAUSE YOU ARE TOO FAR UP ZAYN'S ASS TO NOTICE. YOU ARE A SELF-CENTERED ASSHOLE. IF YOU DONT TELL HIM I WILL AND HE WILL HATE YOU. do yyou even care about him louis " i scream crying. zayn looks at us and i tell him to fuck off  
louis runs out of the room and it really pisses me off. the anger boils in my body.. i am at the point where i am about to explode so i go outside  
NIALLER'S P.O.V  
i hear screaming that i think is liam, i hear louis crying, i feel a set of strong built arms tightening around me and i know who's beautiful arm is around me i feel myself calming down and the beeps slowly going down on the heart monitor then he kisses my cheek softly as the screaming gets louder. my heartbeat races and my eyes pop open.  
i choke out "i'm sorry zzzayyynniee are yyyouuu maddd attt meee?  
cliffhanger yet again  
comments biatches vote it up plzzzzzz


	6. what about me?

Harry's P.O.V  
liam has not shut up for the past hour he won't stop going on about niall be ok, i am kinda getting sick of this does he even care that i am hurt to.. what is so special about niall  
"ding"  
finally he shut up. wait why is he crying.......  
he mumbles "why nialler" no niall can't be dead he is a strong guy. but he has been depressed for a while. styles get yourself together be positive he is going to be alright.. at least i hope he is  
harry you have to be there for niall wake up come try to open your eyes  
i hear a door slam and liam's crying fade away into the distance.  
i try as hard as i can and the bright fluorescent light burns my eyes when i first wake up.  
then this really sweet and sexy doctor comes in he kinda looks like louis. he even has the giant bulg....... bad harry no dirty thoughts about your sexy doctor that you want to fuck so badly its making you so har......... "mr. styles are you enjoying the view" the doctor whose name also is louis says...  
"maybe" i say" do my friends care about me"  
"of course they do" he says  
"then where are they" i choke out  
"well your friend niall tried killing himself" he said  
"not bragging but so did i" i say ashamed  
"he tried again' he said softly  
'why" i say crying  
"check twitter" he says  
i pull out my phone and log-on to twitter and i see one tweet trending worldwide  
@ niallhoranoffical  
to all my amazing fans you gave me the best life ever and i love all of you but this life just isnt something i can take @realiampayne i will miss you and you are the best friend i could ever ask for. @zaynmalik i love you more than i should and i think thats what put me over the edge plz dont hate me i know you said dont do anything stupid but i cant go on. @louistomlinson i am sorry i ruined everything for you and zayn but now that i am out of the way you can have him all to yourself and that he deserves you more than i ever did. @harrystyles i hope you pull through this and your secret will be safe with me and its best to just move on so you dont have to go through what i did. goodbye guys   
My heart breaks because i told niall how i felt about louis before we cut.  
@harrystyles  
@nialloffical buddy plz stay strong we can make it through together. i know that times get rough and people get hurt but it will get better. #plzstaywithusleprechaun  
" Dr louis can i go see niall" i ask  
" Yes but only because you are cute" he says winking  
i walk to the room and i open the door  
niall,zayn, and liam look at me in shock  
louis says " harry i expected more from you why would you try killing yourself.. i expect that from the baby.... zayn isnt worth the cuts...."  
i see zayn and niall eyes watering  
i say... " louis are you really that stupid... i don't like zayn.... i didn't kill myself because of him i did it because of you and you know right its not worth the pain.... your not worth the pain.. you know the nights when you and eleanor were together when you asked why i was crying it was because of you..... i know how niall feels.... louis niall gave me some great advice do you know what that was"  
"No" he croaks out  
"move on and thats what i am doing" i say  
"harry i am not gay" he yells  
niall screams " YOUR NOT GAY THEN WHY THE FUCK WERE YOU HAVING A FUCKING MAKE-OUT SESSION ON THE COUCH!!!!!!!!!!"  
" you wouldnt understand" lou says crying  
" I WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU DONT THINK I WOULD UNDERSTAND.... LOUIS GET AWAY FROM ME NOW!!!!!!"  
lou runs out and zayn follows him  
nialls face changes and i see a something shiny on his bed near his fist.  
i see him put the item to his skin and wince.  
i walk over and hold his hand and tell him "Ni-Ni you arent going anywhere. i need you. i am not over him yet"  
he whispers "harry i ruin everything i dont deserve a life, my heart is destroyed and i just want it to be over with.... harry how about as soon as you get over louis i can end my pain"  
"Ni???  
"harry i am serious..." he says crying and liam comes over to see what wrong and i say "plz give us some privacy" and he walks out the door.  
"why" i say  
"zayn will never love me, so why should i try" he says in tears  
"ok niall as soon as i am over louis you can end your life i will keep them away from you so you can die in peace  
Zayn's pov  
i lost louis great so i go back to the hospital and hear niall and harry talking i over hear harry saying he isnt over louis but what i hear next breaks my heart.. niall still wants to die and harry made a deal with him that as soon as he gets over louis he will let niall die in peace...  
cliffhanger  
comments plzzz


	7. Breaking hearts and the truth

Harry's P.O.V  
why did i just promise niall that he could kill himself, liam is going to kill me if i let him do it. what should i do!!! i mean i can tell louis but its not like he would care or even talk to me. i have no one to go to... this sucks  
knock...knock...knock  
"who is it" i say   
"its zayn"  
"come in" i say  
zayn walks in the door in tears  
"whats wrong z" i whisper  
" i overheard what you and niall were talking about" he says  
my heart drops " w-w-what are you talking about" i say  
"dont lie to me i heard what i heard and i fucking swear if you let niall die i will never be your friend again" zayn says screaming  
" z i am sorry i dont know what i was saying when he said that.... it was just to make him happy... i swear" i say in tears  
'since we are telling the truth i have something to tell you..... me and louis were never really dating. simon said niall came to him and told him that he had a crush on me.. so he set me up with louis and then things just spiraled out of control. simon didnt even let me say anything because i actually do like niall back but i was scared to tell him..." zayn said and almost immediately my blood started boiling i honestly want to knock him out but i know how it feels to love someone and to be scared to tell them  
the anger overcomes me and i punc zayn square in the face. but i almost immediately regret what i did i look up at the reddening bruise on his face and i say " i am sorry zayn"  
"its okay haz i kinda sorta deserve that " he says laughing  
"zayn he obviously feels the same way about you so just tell him how you feel" i say sobbing  
"i can"t hazza i already hurt him so much i dont want to hurt him anymore. i love him to much to go through the pain" i mumble  
Niall's P.O.V  
i am ready to talk to uncle si about coming out to everyone... i am ready to hopefully stop the pain  
Uncle si  
hey simon can i talk to you about something  
niall  
yah what do you want to talk about  
uncle si  
i am ready to come out to the world  
niall  
ni are you sure  
uncle si   
yah  
niall  
ok i will set up an interview for you tomorrow.  
uncle si  
omg omg omg ty uncle si ily xoxoxoxoxoxo  
hazza  
can you come to my room  
ni-ni  
yah sure what do you want?  
hazza  
its important  
ni-ni  
ok just let me finish talking to zayn  
hazza  
it can wait if you are busy  
ni-ni  
no its ok i'll be right there  
knock..... knock....knock  
" come in" i say  
"hey ni" i say "whats up"  
" i am coming out to the world tomorrow" i say  
"are you sure you are ready" hazza says  
" yah i really want to ask you a big favor" i say mumbling  
"sure ni-ni what do you want" he says  
" willyoucomeoutwithmetoevenifitisjustasbisexualandwillyoubemyboyfriend" i say quietly and quickly  
"what did you say" he says puzzled  
" will you come out with me tomorrow even if it is just as being bisexual" i say "and will you be my boyfriend"  
"ni.........."  
cliffhanger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hope you enjoy


	8. The answer and the hate

Hazza's P.O.V  
DID NIALL JUST ASK ME OUT.. IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING. HE IS IN LOVE WITH ZAYN AND I LOVE LOUIS.. WHAT IS HE THINKING   
" HAZ YES I DID JUST ASK YOU OUT.. I KNOW I AM IN LOVE WITH ZAYN AND YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH LOUIS BUT I CANT COME OUT ALONE. I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARENT STRONG ENOUGH TO EITHER. PLZ HARRY I NEED SOMEONE...." HE SAYS CRYING  
" NIALL I AM FLATTERED THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO COME OUT WITH ME BUT I AM STILL TRYING TO GET OVER LOUIS AND I DONT NEED THE HATE" I SAY  
" I UNDERSTAND HARRY ITS FINE CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE" HE SAYS IN TEARS  
"NIALL PLZ DONT HURT YOURSELF I CARE ABOUT YOU AND SO DOES LI AND DEEP DOWN I KNOW ZAYN FEELS THE SAME WAY" I SAY WINKING  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN FEELS THE SAME" HE SAYS CONFUSED  
" THATS FOR YOU TO FIGURE OUT NI" I SAY SMILING  
" COME ONE HAZZZZZZAAAAAAAA" HE SAYS ANNOYED " PLZZZZ TELL MEEEEEE"  
"NOPE" I SAY  
THEN I WALK OUT  
NIALL'S P.O.V  
what does harry mean..... omg i am going to kill him.!!!!!!!!!!  
i am going to get all the directioners pumped for tomorrow  
i log on to twitter and i tweet  
@niallhoranoffical  
guys big announcement tomorrow i cant wait for everyone to hear what it is. its going to be life changing  
i hit tweet and with in moments i see #niallannouncement trending worldwide  
i see one tweet that breaks my heart  
@niallhoranfag  
@niallhoranoffical i bet the faggots probably coming out. great another useless fag to add to the world why doesnt he just leave the band i mean he cant fucking sing to save his life. he probably has a fag crush on one of his mates. that dirty fag better not turn zayn gay because i am going to marry him. hey faggot i hope you die.. you fucking bitch. no one wants you faggot!!!!!! you don't deserve to be in the band... simon cowells probably thinks that this was his biggest mistake ever. i don't even know why he chose someone as ugly as you and a bad singer at that  
i start crying my eyes out and then i see what the email is and i remember going on louis computer and seeing that email open. i remember it because it broke my heart....  
so all this hate was from louis all the negative and the tweet that sent me over the edge. its all from him why would he do this why......  
i need to talk to liam  
Ni i need to talk to you  
Li-Li whats wrong nialler  
Ni its about louis  
Li-Li can't you text me  
Ni no i cant because i know that you are with him  
Li-Li fine i am coming  
a few minutes later liam comes through the door and i show him the message  
he says "niall done believe them"  
" i dont because i know who it is" i say crying  
" who is it" liam says  
"i-ts louis" i say  
"niall how can you say that" he says  
" because its the email i saw one day on his laptop" i say sobbing  
" ni i believe you" he says " but does that means that louis is a...."  
"Homophobe yes liam thats what that means" i say crying  
" niall what happened louis used to love gays. he always use to write to all our gay fans that they didnt deserve the hate" liam says  
" i dont know li but something happened" i say" but we have to figure out whats wrong well you do being daddy direction and all"  
i will try ni" he says  
so what do you think happened to louis what made him change the way he feels to gays


	9. the confrontation and the rebound

LIAM'S P.O.V

i have to talk to louis.....

i walk into his room and see him crying... and i see the twitter profile that niall was talking about.

i cough and louis shuts the laptop and i say "louis i already saw it" "i just want to know why you are giving niall so much hate" i say

"because he raped me" louis says crying

"w-w-what do you mean" i say worried

" he was drunk one day and he raped me.... he fucking raped me that bastard took away my virginty.. do you get that....." he chokes out

"louis why didnt you say anything.... he probably doesnt even fucking remember and you are giving him so much shit for it" i say

" i dont know" he sobs

' i am calling him and you two can talk about it and maybe you could actually be friends...." i say

" ok" louis says crying

i text nialler

hey ni can you come into louis' room plz

he texts back

sure

he knocks on the door a few minutes later. ' liam what do you want" ni says

"louis need to talk to you" i say

" nialler i am sorry i have been giving you all this hate but you hurt me" louis says crying

" i know that i broke you and zayn broke up because of me but how did i hurt you" niall says

" when you raped me!!!!!!" louis screams

"what do you mean when i raped you.... i never did that" niall says

" do you wanna watch we have cameras in the flat" louis says

"what ever louis" niall says

We watch the video and it shows niall tying up louis and raping him>>.

" louis i am soo sorry i didnt know i was drunk" niall says crying

" niall its ok" louis says crying

"liam can you leave us alone plz" niall says

i leave

Niall's P.O.V

" louis can i ask you for a favor" i say

"sure ni what is it' he says

" will you be my boyfriend just until the interview is over ?" i say nervously

" yes i owe you" he says

" you will omg omg omg really louis" i say

" yah baby" he says

i kiss him on the cheek and smiles

" you are so adorable ni-ni" he says

" louis are you gay" i say

" i am bi but only for harry" he says

"really!!!!" i say

"of course" he says

" Then ask him out" i say

" i have eleanor" he says

" who makes you more happy" i say

" ummmmmm........ harry" he says

" then ask him out i will be fine" i say

" i will thank you boo-boo" he say and he kisses me on the cheek

"yw louis i am glad we are friends again" i say smiling


	10. The Kiss

Niall's P.O.V  
how am i going to do this its going to be so difficult. what will i do with all this hate. they are going to ask me how i figured out how i was gay. i have to talk to someone about it. i could talk to liam or harry or louis or even larry... lol i can't believe they are finally together. i just wish me and zayn were together. what harry said that day is still on my mind.  
" niall are you okay you've been in the the shower for almost two hours" liam shouts up the stairs.  
"yah li just thinking about stuff" i say  
" ok ni if you need to talk you can come to me you know that" he says  
" i know li-li can we talk before the interview. i say  
" niall we have to go the interview is in twenty minutes" liam says  
" ill be out in 5 minutes" i say  
" ok niall" he says  
i run out of the bathroom and bump into zayn he blushes and rushes past me i run to my room and change and meet the boys down stairs.  
larry and liam both say at the same time " good luck niall we will always be here for you we love you"  
i look at zayn and he just looks away.  
i say " thanks guys now lets get going"  
we all run to the suv and jump in paul is driving with liam in the front zayn and harry in the middle and me and louis in the back.  
i see zayn whispering to harry  
i whisper to lou " whats going on between them"  
he whispers " i dont know ni they have been close ever since the hospital they are inseperable"  
i say " oh well can you find out from hazza"  
" i dont know niall " lou says  
" he hurt me louis alot he ruined me he broke my heart and ripped me into pieces and to think he ever felt something towards me when he use to flirt with me and he left me hanging he left me to die he killed me. he killed me twice and he didnt even feel bad about it" i say crying.  
everyone looks at me and i say " what the fuck are you looking at you shower of cunts"!!!  
they all look away. i mumble " exactly look away"  
we pull up to the place the interview is going to happen  
i get out of the van and say " i guess its time to ruin my life. time for all the hate"  
louis and harry put theirs arms around me and say " you ready for this niall"  
i say " i guess"  
zayn comes up behind me and says " everything's gonna be all right ni"  
" is that you have to say to me" i growl at him  
" i guess so" zayn says  
" well fuck you to" i scream and run into the building  
Liam's P.O.V  
" Well fuck you to" niall screams and runs into the building  
larry runs after niall and paul pushes me and zayn into the building  
i pull zayn into the backroom and i scream " what the fuck is wrong with you what did you say to niall to make him cry. zayn he loves you why cant you see that you are his everythin...  
then out of nowhere zayn kisses me i feel his soft slim lips on mine but there is no fireworks. i deepen the kiss and he keeps kissing me he bites my lip starts sucking on my tongue which makes me moan " zayyynn.."  
all of a sudden the door opens and i hear it slam again and then i hear a loud slam against the wall and the crying of a certain cute little irishman.  
i pull away and open the door and see niall crying. " niall its not what it looked... " i try to pull him into a tight hug to try to explain what happened but he pushes me away and slaps me across the face  
" fuck you liam you know how i feel about him" he says sobbing as he runs away and i am to shocked to move to chase after him  
louis and harry run up to me and asked what happened  
i tell them and they slap me across the face and say " what were you thinking"  
i say " it wasnt me it was zayn he kissed me and can everyone stop slapping my face"  
" we have to find niall" harry says  
" ok split up louis go upstairs harry go in the middle and ill check the lower floors ok  
Louis' P.O.V  
why did they have to do that now i have to find him. i run upstairs and i see red all over the stair rails i go up to the roof and i see the one thing i never want to see. our little leprechaun crying on the edge of the building with the deep rosey red blood pouring out of his sliced up wrist.  
i text paul to get all the people away from the building and for liam to get zayn and harry and to get to the roof. the all say ok. i see the people leaving. i call to niall and tell him to come here he does and he cries in my arms until he sees zayn and gets up and runs to the egde of the building and he jumps i go to grab him and pull him back onto the roof. liam sees a note on the roof and hands it to me. its a suicide note from niall  
dear boys  
I am sorry i ever existed i am sorry i am such a waste i dont deserve anyones love i guess the interview will never happen because i cant take the pain. liam i thought you were my brother. my real brother not some loser friend that steals the guy i love well fuck you i hate you. we are no longer friends. louie and hazza i am sorry i know you were both here for me but this is just way to much for me to handle. zayn i love you. i am sorry i love you. you have no idea how much i dont want to love you but you cant help who you fall in love with. this is it boys i have chosen the easy way out.  
love nialler  
P.S  
lou and haz i hope everything works out and you two are both happy!!! i love you two bye  
i didnt expect our little nialler to be in that much pain. what are we going to do for him we need to know if zayn feels the same  
i finally updated!!!!!!!! i have been having trouble with ideas sorry guys


	11. helping nialler

Swag Master from Doncasters P.O.V

"what can we do obviously niall is just going to keep getting hurt by zayn, he loves zayn so much and zayn wont give him the time of day. why does zayn keep hurting him they are best friends. i understand he doesnt like him back but why does he have to ignore him, why would he kiss anyone else especially another guy when niall thinks that he is straight, hazza do you have any idea what to do. he really needs help, and i am lost i have no crazy plan to help please tell me you have a plan" i say crying

" boo -bear i dont have a plan i really dont know what to do. i can somewhat understand why zayn is dong what he is doing but i dont know what to do about Ni, Liam do you know what t do he is your closest friend" harry whispers

"how about if we call uncle Simon he should know what to do" liam says

i pull out my phone and call simon he answers and i say " Si do you have any idea about what we can do about getting niall help. he really needs it but i dont think he wil get any unless one of us tells him ti he doesnt want to be a bother, uncle Si i am going to go outside" i cover the phone and tell Li and Hazza i am going outisde

"simon i also think that we should get zayn some help him and niall were best friends and just because niall is gay he shouldn't hate him. i am extremely worried about both of them. please help Si i have to go bye" i hang up the phone and go inside

Nialler's P.O.V

Everyone is up my ass 24/7 i mean seriously just because i tried killing myself doesnt mean i need help every five fucking seconds. really i just want to be alone i just want quiet. they need to leave me alone. i am about to quit this stupid fucking band its not like anyone will miss me i am not the important one thats harry, liam, and zayn. the only one that is in the same boat as me is louis. i want to cry everyday. i miss my family and my home. " Now i'm climbing the walls but you dont notice at all" i pick up my phone and see it is uncle Si " hey uncle Si" i say choking back tears" whats up "

He says" niall your bandmates are worried about you, i am too i think that it is best for you to get some help i have arranged for you two different options the first is ' you can go a psychiatrist twice a week until you are better or option two , you can go to rehab for two months the only rule is that you can only see your bandmates or family every week. niall you have to make your choice, just remember it is to help you."

" uncle Si i dont need help GOODBYE" i hang up and slam the phone down. i pack a bag and i book a flight to mullingar one way because i cant take coming back here anymore i write each of them a letter except zayn. i leave the letters in the van on their seats . i manage to slip past everyone and out the door and i put my keys in the ignition of my black range rover and i leave the driveway quietly crying my eyes out. i look back and wave goodbye almost like they are outside. i drive to the airport and i found out that the flight was cancelled. "shit what am i suppose to do" i say out loud " hey Arent you niall horan" i turn around and see this boy with the most stunning long blonde hair he has beautiful green eyes and bright purple skinnies with a white and red stripped shirt and a leather jacket " yah i am whats your name" " shane clarkson the worlds biggest male directioner, but i am also your biggest fan so whats wrong' "my flight was cancelled" i say crying " well arent you in luck guess who can fly a plane and owns one" he says smirking " are you trying to seduce me" i say pervertedly " maybe" he says " So can i have a ride to mullingar?" i ask " Can i have a kiss" he say smiling i kiss him on the lips softly he kisses back and deepens the kiss i moan softly and i see a flash. he grabs my hand and drags me to his plane. " than.." he shuts me up by kissing me. " i could get use to kissing your beautiful face your lips are so soft and kissable" can you buckle up and we can get going" i buckle up and we go down the runway and the plane lifts up into the night sky and i say goodbye to my old world full of hate and crying.


	12. going home

Niall's P.O.V

i cant stop staring at him. he is so freaking sexy i just want to kiss him. he has a irish accent i wonder where he lives.

" shane where are you from" i say

"same place you are" 

"really!!!!!!" i say

"yah i use to go to school with you but you were to popular so you never even noticed me"

" i am sorry" i kiss his lips softly and he smiles

" its ok babe"

" you sure" i say

" yeppers so i have a very important question to ask you"

"ask away"

" Niall James Horan will you be my boyfriend"

" O.M.F.G yes i will shane " i scream" shane whats that beeping"

" shit my engine just died baby hold on and buckle up i gotta try an emergency landing"

" baby are we going to die" i say crying

" not on my watch" shane says

" babe i am scared" i whimper

" babe do you trust me"

" yes baby"

Cliffhanger!!!!!!!!!! plz dont kill me its just what came to my mind


	13. my world crashing down in front of me

Niall's P.O.V

" babe are we going to be ok" I say

" Of course we are..... I can land this...... just as long..... as my..... Anxiety....... doesn't.... kick ...In" shane says hyperventilating

" shane plz don't pass out I need you I am scared. I don't know what to do" I whimper out

" Niall hold on to your seat and don't let go" he say crying" I am sorry I am really sorry"

" whats wrong shaney!!!!" I scream out " are you ok babe"

" niall plz just hold ooonnnn" shane says as I see the ground coming into view I scream and hold on to him tightly and he wraps his arms around me and the plane slams into the ground and everything goes black.............

Hours later

" Put them ...... out ...... them before ... plane catches.... it will .......

'Hello son ... you hear ... Me whats.... name "

"son stay with..... us....the ambulance is....... "

" can you hear us your alive.. you made it. its a miracle that you survived"

"where is shane" I squeak out

" he is in the ambulance you didn't sustain as many injuries he had his arms wrapped around you so you didn't get as much damage as him" the fire man said in a monotone voice

" can I go with him is it alright I know that I am not his family but plz can I go" I say my voice horse and in tears

" he is already on his way to the hospital so are your friends they were notified the moment we identified you, my fire chief Paul will bring you to the hospital' he says

" ok " I say quietly

" hey paul get over here and bring this boy to the hospital" the man says

" hi son my name is Paul Higgins I am going to take you to your friends ok" Paul says smiling

" ok well I am going to take a nap is that alright" I say

" sure kid do what ever you like" he says laughing

" thank you Paul..... *YAWN*... G'night" I say slowly closing my eyes

 

I am trying my hardest to update as much as I can I am having really bad writers block thanks for all that read this crappy story


	14. The hospital visit

zayn's P.O.V.

I am extremely worried about niall he went home all by himself he didn't even tell anyone, how could he be so fucking selfish does he know how much he broke me, that asshole, he can go fuck himself like really what's wrong with him, he really thinks that i could ever love louis then he is fucking nuts.. louis is just a friend.. i love niall and only niall but he is being an asshole and he ran away from his feelings  
"baby you light up my world like nobody else "  
"hello zayn Malik speaking who may I ask is calling" 

the calm voice on the other side said " your friend niall horan was in a plane crash, he survived and is at south mullingar hospital, you are listed as his emergency contact we are just calling you to make you aware of his location and that he ok."  
suddenly my entire world fell apart my nialler could have died, and its all my fault.  
I reply into the phone "thank you I am on my way, tell him I'll be there as soon as. possible bye"   
I run down stairs and tell everyone to get ready and that I will explain in the van.  
we rush to the van and we head towards the airport and I explain what happened to our little leprechaun, Liam starts crying louis and Harry hug each other tightly and I can barely hold myself together.   
when we, get to the airport we book a private flight to mullingar, we get the in less than an hour,   
I call Maura and tell her to meet us at south mullingar hospital, she is in tears and she is also very angry at me  
nialler's P.O.V  
Shane plz wake up, plz dont leave me, I cant do this without you.   
the door opens and the doctor comes in.   
" he saved your life, he protected you, he is badly injured he isn't going to make it through the night,"   
my heart breaks "plz leave me alone I want to say something to him"   
the doctor leaves and I cuddle up to him  
l whisper "Shane if you are going then I am too" I pull out a slim metallic razor blade and press it to my arms  
hazza's P.O.V  
we arrive at the hospital we ask for nialler's room number but they tell us he is not in the hospital but he is someone's guest she tells us the number and we walk down the sterile white halls, we, see the room and I hear the repetitive beeping then all of a sudden like In all those emergency room shows I hear the beeps turn into one long beep, I rush into the room and see a puddle of blood surrounding the little leprechauns body and i see the cuts that litter his body.. it breaks me and it makes me cry I tell louis to take zayn away and I call for a doctor, liam is by nialls side putting pressure on the cut, two doctors come in and one takes niall and brings him to another room and one starts writing on a clipboard time of death half noon, I wonder who this kid is, obviously niall knew him,  
I ask the doctor "why was niall here with him"   
he says " this boy saved your friends life he was flying the plane when its engines cut out and shane here covered niall and saved him from dying. I know both of them, they were my son Andy's best friends."  
"do you know what room niall is in" I say sobbing  
" room 913 its right down the hall on the left about 6 doors down"  
I run down the hall and I open the door to his room softly, they wrapped up his cuts and all but they could at least make him look like the beautiful nialler we all know,   
I mumble under my breath " why did you do this ni"


	15. daddy's care and new love

Niallers P.O.V 

why is liam being so overprotective, i get that he is daddy directioner but seriously could he leave me alone for one fucking second

"niall i wont leave you alone because we all care about you" liam says aggravated because i swore

" dammit i need to stop thinking out loud" i say

"yah you do now stop fucking swearing" he says angry at me

" liam leave the fucking baby alone!!!!!!!!" zayn screams " he just wants the attention"

" zayn what is wrong with you" louis yells at him" cant you just fucking shut the fuck up" dont you think you hurt him enough"

" not really lou the faggot deserves it" he yells across the house" all fags do"

" well guess what zayn we are no longer friends" lou screams" and neither is harry, right hazza" 

" right lou. nialler are you OK" hazza says to me looking into my eyes

" hazza how can i love someone that fucking hates me" i sob out with tears in my eye

" come here nialler give hazza a hug" he says

" so you and lou together yet" i say smirking

" how did you know" he says 

" the way lou is looking at me with daggers" i say laughing " can i screw with him"

" of course you can nialler" he say laughing

" lou you can calm down i aint gonna take away your boyfriend unless your boyfriend wants me" i say smiling

" of course i want you nialler" haz says smirking

" nialler if you don't get away from my man i will punch you" lou says like the sass master he is.   
" lou your face is too funny you can have the hair ball i got liam" i say 

"niall i aint gay" liam says 

me lou and hazza start laughing our asses off 

" of course you are liam" i say sarcastically

" i am serious niall" he says sweating

hazza pulls me into another room and says " nialler do you have a crush on liam now" 

" yes i do i thought i would have more of a chance with him than zayn" i say sadly

 

Louis P.O,V

" liam do you like nialler" i say smiling

" i think i might, but i don't know i have never liked another guy before i am scared to love a man, but he makes me feel so alive. he is so sweet and adorable and i am totally in love with him but I AM SO SCARED TO SAY I LOVE NIALLER BACK. 

YOU WHAT?????? a Irish voice comes from the door and then like a flash nialler is gone.

 

dun-dun-dun what do you think will happen to nialler and liam what about lou and hazza, and finally the grumpy bastard zayn


	16. i really fucked it up this time

soooooo i though i would do something different so without further ado 

 

ZAYN'S P.O.V

did liam really have to say that why would he try to take my nialler away from me. i mean he doesn't know i love him but seriously cant he just back off.

i scream " he li-li can i talk to you in my room" 

he walks in and asks" whats up z" 

"come here" i say " i got a secret to tell you"

"what is it Z" he says gulping

i pull him close and say " you have one chance with nialler if you hurt him i swear i will make your life a living hell" i kiss him and say " i sealed that promise with a kiss"

"B.b..but Zayn i thought you weren't gay" he stutters out

" did you think i wouldn't play hard to get niall needs to work to get my love" i say grinning

" zayn do you call trying to commit suicide three times as working for your love cus if you do then i will never let you have him" liam says 

" liam niall is just weak most guys wouldn't try to kill themselves because a guy the like is shagging their friend" i say with an evil grin " nialler needed to feel the pain he caused me for 3 years he needs to hurt like i did"

" zayn niall has been feeling the pain for 3 years just like you the only thing is that you were to fucking blind to notice" he say screaming " wake the fuck up asshole" 

all of a sudden liam gives me a right hook to the face and everything is a blur

"zayn get the fuck off him you bastard what did he ever do to you" i hear his sweet Irish voice and i freeze and i think " he took you away from me, he took my heart and broke it" 

'"well zayn at least he has the balls to tell me how he feels and he doesn't play me " his voice is breaking and at the same time you can hear the venom in his word stinging me then his next words hit me hard" zayn i have lost all respect for you, i will never talk to you again" he walks away and just to give me one more shot to my heart he kisses liams cheek and says " liam will you be my boyfriend" 

they walk out of the room before he answers but i know what he says and the irony is my favorite Mumford & sons song comes on a guess what it is 

 

"But it was not your fault but mine"

 

"it was your heart on the line"

 

" i really fucked it up this time"

 

" didn't i my dear "

 

"didn't i my nialler"


	17. No one will miss the mysterious one

ZAYN'S P.O.V  
" li-li i love you so much" niall cooes to liam  
" nialler i know, and i love you back my little leprechaun" he says and looks at me and smirks   
my blood starts to boil it takes all of my strengtht to not get up and punch liam right in the face, he is just rubbing it in my face i want to fucking kill him its been four months and all i hear is moans coming from their room. they keep having sex every god damn day. i mean how many fucking times can they do it. are they fucking rabbits or something.  
i run up the stairs and slam my door shut, the tears start pouring out of my eyes. i cant stop thinking about niall, about my nialler. i think about his beautiful face that makes me smile and about his beautiful shocking blue eyes that absolutely mesmerise and his adorable smile that makes me happy just to see it and the fact that i will never get to kiss his soft and sweet lips  
my little leprechaun, the fact that i will never have him now, he hates me, now i know how he feels i know why he cut.   
i know what he felt after he cut because i started 3 months ago, almost every inch of my body is covered in scars, it hurts sleeping, or sitting or doing anything. there are days where i want to run away, days i want to kill myself, days where i feel worthless.   
the last person i actually had a conversation with was harry almost 3 months ago, none of the boys talk to me, no one will miss me if i was gone. no one will miss the mysterious loser bad-boy. the only thing is i wont tell anyone that i am going to end it, i am not going to cut, i am going to end it the right way. i take off my clothes so i am just in my boxers, exposing all my scars  
i pull out the rope i bought the other day. i tied it into a noose and hooked it to my door i slip my head into the noose and i just think, i think about my pathetic life. how much the world would be a better place without me  
NIALL'S P.O.V  
" liam i am going to check on zayn, everyone has been ignoring him, i am worried, he isnt as strong as you think." i say  
" ni i will go with you" he says nervously  
we walk up the stairs we stand outside of zayn's door, i hear crying. my heart drops, i knew it. i knock on the door and say "zayn are you ok"  
" niall go the fuck away, let me go in peace" he sobs  
the words he said click and i tell liam to bust the door down, he slams into the door and what i see breaks me. zayn has a rope tied around his neck and he is going to kick the chair from out from under himself. liam grabs him but it is a little to late. he fell but liam grabbed him before his neck snapped  
" liam i dont think i can do this, i was at this stage less than 5 months ago. if we keep this up there will be no more zayn or one direction" i say crying, while holding zayn in my arms  
" nialler its ok, i understand, plus i have had the biggest crush on josh for a while" he says smiling   
" what about nosh you just killed an amazing bromance" i say trying to lighten the mood  
" ni we need to get zayn some help he cant do this anymore look at all the scars" li says   
" this is my fault li-li" i sob   
" dont blame yourself leprechaun" li says  
soooo what did you think, i really wish more people would read this


	18. Broken hearts and new starts

Niallers P.O.V.

"liam this is all my fault if i would have talked to him maybe he wouldnt be in the hospital right now, i am glad you grabbed him before he snapped his neck. i dont know what i would do without him."

" niall you have to stop blaming yourself. it wasn't your fault it was all of our faults, we all started ignoring him. its all our faullts. i have one question to ask you niall" liam chokes out in tears

"what li-li" i whimper 

" promise me that you will not let zayn play you, i understand that you love him and all but he is nothing but bad news" 

" i promise liam" 

" nialler is that you" zayn says while gasping for air 

i run to the bed and hold his hand tightly and say" zaynie i am right here i will never leave you again i love you so much and i never want to lose you" 

" niall i am sorry about everything, you are my life and my dreams and you make me so happy, you have no idea how much you mean to me, i was scared to love you but no not anymore, screw this niall james horan you are the one that i belong to and no one will ever stop us from being together."

"zayn i am still scared to love you and trust you but i am madly in love with you. and that will never change, i will give you a chance, but if you hurt me i will leave you without a second thought." i say sobbing 

" niall james Horan will you be my boyfriend" zayn says with a big smile

and that is how me and zayn finally became one........ but what about our little hazza and boo-bear did they ever get together. i guess you'll find that out soon


	19. LOUIS I LOVE YOU

Hazza's P.O.V.

louis will never feel the same about me. i am never good enough for him, i am just done with trying, no one will miss me. liam and niall are always to busy for me and zayn stopped talking to me so its like i am a nobody, the make me seem like a manwhore but i have never had a girlfriend or never shagged a girl. its all lies so my entire life is just a fucking lie.

i sit down at my desk in my room and pull out a 4 pieces of paper a pen and a razor blade i say to myself " this is it"

i start writing a note to niall

Niall

when you find this i will most likely be long gone, i couldn't do this, i really am in love with him and it hurts so much, niall you know how i feel so you are going to have to help everyone with coping. you are such a sweet guy and i hope zayn notices that long enough to get his fucking head on straight.

Zayn

GET YOUR FUCKING HEAD ON STRAIGHT AND ASK NIALL OUT YOU HEARTLESS PRAT!!!!!!!!  
Z you have always been my best friend and i know you will miss me and please hug niall every once in a while after i am gone, he is going to need it 

Liam

Daddy direction, i am so sorry but i just couldnt do this anymore. louis has broke me and i cant go on. i know that you will probably take this the best because you look at things logically but liam i had to do this and there is not way of stopping this

 

i seal them in an envelope and i walk out of my room and tape each letter on the guys doors i walk back to my room with tears pouring out of my eyes, i pull out the last piece of paper and i find my old fashioned quill pen i run the razor across my wrist and let the blood run into the ink well. 

Louis

i am sorry i was ever a bother to you, i know you don't feel the same i mean who would ever love a nobody like me, someones whose entire life is a lie, i cant fucking stand you but at the same time i fucking love you with all my heart. louis i did this for you so you didnt have to deal with me anymore, so you dont have to see the sad puppy, the one that you abuse and hurt but still follows you around because he loves you goodbye louis

i pull out my phone and i text louis

WELL THIS IS IT LOUIS, I LOVE YOU PLZ TELL MY MOTHER I LOVE HER

i start getting light headed and my stomach starts to turn i am so close just a little more and it will all be over

 

so thats it for now i won't be writing anymore until i get some comments


	20. Losing the love of my life

Louis P.O.V  
i am glad that niall is okay, zayn is getting better, i can see that liam is getting hurt by this but the one that is hurting the most is my hazza bear, everyone has been ignoring him. they have been to busy to notice that he is still hurt, i wonder why he is hurt, he can't love zayn because he would easily have broken him and niall up and it can't be niall for the same reason its most definetely not liam because he was never really close to him. there is no one i can think of. he said that he loved someone but who could it be come on louis think, think,think who could it possibly be. stop being stupid....  
" louis are you really that daft" someone says  
" who is that" i say stuttering  
" its kevin who did you think it was" i look and see my little pigeon buddy " louis i am your spirit animal and if you want me to tell you who he is in love with promise me you will not do anything stupid"  
" i promise kevin" i say  
" louis its you he is in love with you he is madly in love with you, he is breaking because of you, he is on the edge because of you because he can't stop thinking about you. its all about you louis" he says almost yelling   
" it can't be me it just can't, he doesn't love me" i say crying   
i hear a whistle coming from my phone and its a text from my hazza   
HAZZA BEAR : WELL THIS IS IT LOUIS, I LOVE YOU PLZ TELL MY MOTHER I LOVE HER  
i see the message and my heart drops he better not do this i swear to god he better fucking not   
BOO BEAR : harry dont even try it i swear to god you better not, i love you too, i fucking love you hazza  
i text niall   
BOO BEAR: niall go save harry he is trying to kill himself i can't make it home plz don't fail me 

LEPRECHAUN : i will save him but why can't you come he is going to need you  
BOO BEAR : the traffic i will be there soon  
LEPRECHAUN : you better lou  
i really don't know what to do. i really want to go see harry but i can't love him... i just can't.. and he doesn't deserve me... and i really just want him to get over me... but he can't so i am going to get over him the only way i know how... i need to just shag someone after a while of deep thought i decide that i am going to get over him even if it kills me   
i open the hotel's bathroom door and i get into the bed with him i cuddle up with him. i moan when he starts biting my neck, while he trails kisses down my body slowly undressing me. he reaches my waist line and starts palming my member.   
i moan loudly he pulls my pants off and i beg him to be inside of me, he lines himself up and pushes into me  
" oh god josh your so fucking huge" i moan out  
" be my bitch louis" josh says sensually his voice nearly makes me cum  
" i am your bitch baby. make me forget about him" i moan out loudly   
" don't worry i'll make you forget that loser" he says as he pounds me so hard it makes me cum he cums a little later and all the memories of harry just disappear. the feelings just melt away and my body fills with lust and envy  
" damn josh your soo good" i say trying to catch my breath  
" i know" he says in a cocky tone  
" your cocky tone is just as big as your cock" i say laughing  
" same time next week" he says and he leaves the hotel room  
i fall asleep peacefully and without a care in the world.. but something in my heart is making me feel guilt.... something is making me think the worse is going to happen and it is all my fault  
this is going to be the last time i update this. someone plz read this and comment and if i get at least five comments i will update again


	21. helping a friend doesn't always help( sometimes it hurts them more)

" niall where is louis he said he was going to be here soon" liam says trying to quiet harry down

" liam he said i don't know, li can you leave me and harry alone" i say crying

" Harry look at me please, he isn't worth your time, he is just a asshole, don't cry over him and don't ever try cutting again he is a fucking douche" i plead with him

" nialler i am in love with him, he has my heart and everything in my body, he is my life,my voice, my reason to be. and you can't change that. you really don;t know how i feel" he croaks out with his voice cracking

" harry what do you mean i don't know how you feel, what about what happened between me and zayn and i know for a fact that you can get over him with help" i sob out 

" niall just fucking leave me alone" he screams out. 

all of a sudden i hear the heart monitors beeping quickly and then all the is one long beep and then all the doctors rush into the room and push me out


	22. turning over a new leaf

its the next day and harry is doing alot better so i thought i would text louis 

nialler WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!!?????

louis I am at a hotel with someone 

nialler YOUR SHAGGING A RANDOM GIRL WHILE YOUR BEST FRIEND IS IN THE HOSPITAL DYING OF A BROKEN HEART

louis its not like he even cares about me 

Ni WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE DOESN'T CARE

louis it doesn't matter 

ni YES IT DOES WHATEVER LOUIS GO FUCK YOURSELF 

louis whatever 

 

i put my phone down and i go to the cafeteria to get food for me and harry

 

HAZZA P.O.V 

 

why doesnt he love me. i know niall was text louis and i want to know what they were talking about, i am so tired of getting hurt i wish they would let me die they don't need me no one does..

i grab niallers phone and type in his password Ziallforever

i open the texts and i see what they wrote, i unplug all my monitors and i walk out the door they won't fucking miss me. no one will. i walk out the door and run to my car, with tears pouring out of my eyes and i can barely see i put the keys in the ignition and i race out of the parking lot and i drive to the nearest airport and i buy a ticket to america to boston massachusetts and i set up a rental car for me to use under a different name. no one will miss me keeps going through my head the entire time. its the truth its always the truth. i board the airplane and i fall asleep to the thoughts in my head. no one will miss me. no one cares about me. nobody wants someone broken and scarred. time to start my life over again.

 

Niallers p.o.v

i ride up the elevator to the floor harry is on. i hear alarms going off and my heart starts racing. then over the loud speaker i hear a patient has left the hospital. my heart beats faster. they start describing the patient and every word they say adds up to harry. the doors open and i race to his room to see doctors and nurses and security surrounding harry's room and then i remember that i left my phone in the room with him 

 

i pick up my phone and as soon as i pick it up it vibrates 

i read the text 

hazza nialler i am sorry i need to start my life over again i am running away. i am getting as far away as possible from you from the boys and from louis, i love all of you. don't try to find me i will always just run away if you get close. love hazza-bear 

my heart drops when i read the text, i could have helped him. all he needed was support. and that could have been me. its all my fault we all ignored him when he needed us. especially that asshole louis.

i make a group message to liam,zayn,louis, josh, dan, sandy and jon

band meeting now!!!!!!!!!!!!! meet me at the house


	23. The messages

five months later  
hazza's P.O.V  
ever since i left the boys my life has gotten so much better, and guess what so were the boys. there voices have gotten alot more stronger to compensate for my voice being missing. josh and louis were caught on one of thier romantic rendevouz. they came out to the public not much later. liam has been with danielle for almost a year they are celebrating thier one year anniversary in two days. i feel bad for my little leprechaun, him and zayn broke up two days after i left. i feel like its all my fault. reports say that nialler became obsessed about finding me. he looked for me two days straight, zayn got fed up and they split. i can see how they look at each other every time they perform. its the same with louis and josh except you can see that louis is missing something. serves him right, he could have had me.   
i log onto my computer and go onto the one direction website and i see there new where we are tour announcement. i watch the video, i wish i could be there i really do but i am still in love with him. i am zoning in and out when all of a sudden i hear nialler say august 7 and 8th we are going to be performing at gillette stadium in boston and my heart starts racing.  
i really am happy for them but i know that they are breaking on the inside.... i want to check on them but i don't know if i should maybe i should see what they have left me on the phone if they have messaged me or called..... but i really don't think it is a very good idea..... but i cave and i finally read it  
i pull out my old phone and turn it on, i look at all the texts 100 from nialler, 50 from liam,25 from louis, 2 from zayn.   
nialler   
Hazza where are you  
hazza bear plz answer me  
come on hazza   
fucking answer me hazza  
i am scared hazza bear, don't fucking play with me   
liam   
come on harry answer us we are all scared  
plz don't do anything stupid  
harry nialler needs you   
harry niall and zayn broke up   
harry this is all your fault   
louis   
harry how could you do this to me   
why did you leave me hazza  
i am done harry me and josh are together now  
zayn  
harry, i broke up with nialler and i hurt him so badly, harry i dont deserve him. i am worthless and pathetic, i am going to end my life in a year   
harry i know you still have your phone so i just want you to know i am only going to be here for another week, after our concert in boston, harry i want you to be there for niall so please suck it up and come to the show. i have broken him he hates me now... he deserves someone so much better than me.... someone that can actually be supportive of him when he is looking for his closest friend... i really truly did screw everything up harry.... and i am sorry but i need you to hold him when he cries and when he breaks... he is going to need you so much hazza.... he is going to be so lost without you.... goodbye sweetie  
my heart stops, i can't let zayn do this   
i message him  
i swear to god zayn don't fucking try it, you deserve each other... he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.... he is your soulmate..... you are amazing together and you know that for a fact... zayn you were going through a really tough time.... i know that he got more distant from you when i left but you didn't fight for him.... and zayn you have to fight for him get him back  
he texts me back right away  
harry this better be you, or i will kick your ass.  
yes zayn this is harry, i am sorry about everything, this is all my fault. i am so sorry, zayn please don't do this i will be at the boston show i gtg i am turning my phone off bye   
cliffhanger what do you guys think is going to happen next!!!!!!!!!


	24. The almost reunion

ts the day of the concert, i bought my tickets, they are right up front. i turn on my phone and check the messages i see on message from nialler   
nialler  
harry plz help me i need you, i read through zayns phone and i saw a suicide note, harry i am scared. plz don't ignore me. where ever you are harry plz just drop everything and come back we all need you. i need you zayn needs you liam needs you even louis needs you plz hazza-bear the love of my life is going to kill himself and its all my fault  
hazza  
niall you will see me soon enough, plz just be strong. i love you nialler but i will not talk to louis i don't want to see him let alone talk to that asshole   
nialler   
harry josh broke up with him!!  
hazza   
does it look like i give a fuck.   
nialler   
stop being an asshole. he needs you, he loves you..  
hazza   
yah and i didnt love him when he kept on fucking leading me on.   
nialler   
stop it harry stop being self-centered we need you as a group  
hazza  
no one needs me niall, tell zayn i am not coming tonight, i can't look into his eyes and lie that i am coming back for good. i am sorry   
nialler  
plz harry, your the only reason why he hasn't killed himself   
hazza   
fine niall but i am not talking to that asshole...  
nialler   
fine!  
hazza   
ill see you later nialler  
i start bawling my eyes out and i clench my fist, i pull out my good old friend mr razor and i slide it across my wrist slowly, i wince in pain but it's always fake pain, i don't feel pain anymore i am numb and broken. i watch the blood drip down my wrist and i put my headphones on and put my music on shuffle, and the song that comes on makes all the sadness and feeling come back i start singing   
I'm broken, do you hear me?  
I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see,  
I'm dancin' alone, I'm praying,  
That your heart will just turn around,  
And as I walk up to your door,  
My head turns to face the floor,  
'Cause I can't look you in the eyes and say,  
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,  
It just won't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,  
When he lays you down,  
I might just die inside,  
It just don't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this,  
Can love you more than this  
If I'm louder, would you see me?  
Would you lay down  
In my arms and rescue me?  
'Cause we are the same  
You save me,  
When you leave it's gone again,  
And then I see you on the street,  
In his arms, I get weak,  
My body fails, I'm on my knees  
Prayin',  
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,  
It just won't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,  
When he lays you down,  
I might just die inside,  
It just don't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this,  
Yeah, I've never had the words to say,  
But now I'm askin' you to stay  
For a little while inside my arms,  
And as you close your eyes tonight,  
I pray that you will see the light,  
That's shining from the stars above,  
(And I say)  
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,  
It just won't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this,  
'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah  
When he lays you down,  
I might just die inside,  
It just don't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah,  
When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight,  
It just won't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this, yeah  
When he lays you down,  
I might just die inside (oh, yeah),  
It just don't feel right,  
'Cause I can love you more than this,  
Can love you more than this  
i run the blade across my wrist on last time and i count the scars that are scattered along my body last time i counted there were 60 scars some of them faded but now i have almost 80, i get dressed and i get in my car which i brought off this kid, he sold it to me for like $2000 its an absolutely beautiful car, its a 1998 volvo c70. when i get back to england i am bringing this car back with me. i leave and jump on the highway and i step on the gas and i feel the turbo kick in and in less than 20 minutes i am at gillette stadium and i see the boy's bus.   
i pull my phone out and i text nialler   
hazza  
i am outside come let me in  
nialler   
kay all the boys are sleeping  
i see the bus door open and i sneak in, i sit down with nialler and all of a sudden zayn starts waking up he sees me and i tell him to shush but he scream   
"HARRY ITS YOU" he gets out of the bunk and hugs me tightly, in the process liam wakes up and hugs me to. i look in louis' bunk and he isn't there i look in my bunk and no lou  
i ask nialler "where is louis"   
" he is sleeping with josh in the other bus" he say looking down   
" you said they broke up" i scream   
" harry i needed you" he croaks out   
" well you know what niall i am out of here" i scream at him  
i walk out the door of the tour bus and walk to my car and zayn grabs me" harry please don't leave, this is it i am ending today"   
" zayn he still loves you just ask him out again" i say   
" i can't harry i have someone else" he says smiling   
"who" i ask   
" liam" he says looking guilty  
" zayn what happened to this band, its going to shit, you are all just screwing up. what's changed about all of you." i scream at him " first you dump niall now your shagging his best friend who happens to have a girlfriend your really fucked up. what changed you z?"   
"you" he says and walks away in tears  
soooo what do you guys think, and yes the person that harry bought the car from was me!!! i needed to put myself into the story somehow


	25. The blood on the window

hazza's P.O.V  
i sit in my car and i think about my life, maybe this is all my fault. i did cause all of this pain all of this hurt and sadness. i caused my best friend to lose his love of his life. i am just a fuck up.   
no one will miss me   
i slide the razor across my wrist making sure it digs into my skin.... i feel a sharp pain surge up my body and for the first time in a while i feel pain.... the blood starts pouring out of the cut and i can feel it... i can feel the death coming i can finally feel happy..... then the regret happens.... and i go to grab for the door but i can't open it and i slowly feel my world slip into darkness   
Louis P.O.V  
i wake up on the side of my beautiful boyfriend and i kiss him good morning, i tell him i am going for a walk, i step out of the tour bus and i go see the boys, they have all changed so much but we all have since harry left. even i have changed and for the worst i don't love josh i lust for him, he makes all the feelings i have for harry go away, he feeds my passion but not my love. i hug all of the boys and i tell them i am going for a walk. i walk out of their tour bus and i walk around the parking lot and i see this car sitting in the middle of no where "damn these fans get here early" i think to myself. i see a familiar mop of curly hair and i double take " it can't be him" i approach the car and i see blood on the window and i look in and my entire world comes crashing down around me. it is harry, he came back.  
i call 911 and tell them to get here asap  
i wait for the ambulance to get there and while they are trying to stop the bleeding and i run into the boys tour bus and scream  
"ifoundharryinacarbleedingtodeath"  
the all look at me and say "slow the fuck down lou  
i repeat myself slower this time " i found harry in a car bleeding to death  
they all start crying and it hits me we do need my hazza bear  
we call paul and tell him to bring us to mass general hospital we rush there and hope its not to late for my hazza


	26. admission of love and the final goodbye

NIALLER'S P.O.V 

" zayn i have to talk to you" i say crying 

" niall whats up" he says smiling 

" i know what you were going to do tonight and i swear to god if you try to kill yourself i will never forgive you, and i know about you and liam and i just want to say that i am fine with the two of you being together, plz just try to keep it private between the two of you. i don't need to see it" i say with tears slipping down my cheek

i try to walk away so he doesn't see me fall apart but zayn grabs my hand and pulls me into a hug. 

"niall pls don't leave" he says in a broken tone

i pull away from zayn's grip, the tears start rushing down my face and i run into louis, he pulls me into a hug and he makes me feel better

he says " niall do you still love zayn? would you die for him?would you give up all the fame for him?"

i say crying " of course i do louis you have no idea do you love harry still?

louis starts crying and he sobs out " of course nialler i still love him with all my fucking heart, i never stopped loving him ever since he left he broke me ni but i fucking love him and i always will you don't get that nialler. 

 

HAZZA'S P.O.V 

 

what happened to me, where am i. i am so confused why am i in the hospital, i remember seeing zayn and niall and liam but no louis 

i can hear crying outside the door and i listen 

i hear louis say " niall do you still love zayn? would you die for him?would you give up all the fame for him?"

then nialler says " of course i do louis you have no idea do you love harry still?

my heart skips a beat and then it drops i want him to say yes but at the same time i don't

he says " of course nialler i still love him with all my fucking heart, i never stopped loving him ever since he left he broke me ni but i fucking love him and i always will you don't get that nialler."

 

all of the feeling come back and i start crying and all of a sudden i hear the door open and nialler and lou come in the room and start hugging me. i hug them back and i give nialler a kiss on the cheek and i whisper to him " can you give me some alone time with louis" he shakes his head and leaves the room

i look into louis bright blue eyes but when i see them all they are is a dull bluish-grey" did i really cause louis this much pain did i make his carefree spirit break, is it really all my fault" 

" harry plz don't blame yourself its mostly my fault. i should have been there for you. harry i love you!! plz don't ever leave me you are my everything you are my life and you always will be, harry will you be my boyfriend??" he says tears streaming down his face

 

i look down in shame " no louis i am sorry" i start crying " i love you louis but i am just not good enough for you, i don't deserve you, i am worthless and i don't deserve to live anymore. i am sorry but after this i am leaving again, this life just became to much for me. i can't take the fame anymore"

i kiss his lips softly and i say " lou they are letting me go, well this is it, i am going home. tell niall and zayn and liam i couldn't stay anymore, tell zayn to get his head out of his ass and get niall back, liam still has danielle and they both deserve each other. they need to fix themselves and lou i hope you and josh are both happy together he is perfect for you and he really loves you, i ccan see it in his eyes"

i put my clothes on and i walk out of the door, i blow a kiss to louis and i wave goodbye. not only to him but to my life as harry edward styles ⅕ of the band one direction


	27. (flashback) the first day in the new flat

so a few people have been telling me that this story has been going by quicky so i am going to do a little different everytime you see parenthesis it is what harry is thinking to himself 

 

Harry's P.O.V

four months ago

i had just moved into my flat in boston, it was a quaint little brownstone on 10 west cedar on beacon hill the house was beyond stunning, you walked into an open concept living room and kitchen, it had a seperate sitting room ( which is ironically a room that no one ever sits in.) i mean whats the point of having a room no one sits in. it had a wet bar along the front wall as soon as you walk into the house ( great for parties if i ever had one which i probably wouldn't especially since i left the boys) 

its got a seperate dining room with long black mohogany table that is elegantly set for eight, the glasses have a gold leaf rim and the plates are the finest china that the previous homeowners had bought. they must have really loved this place, i wish i could eat a meal at this table with the boys but i can't because now i am all alone. i walk into the kitchen and see beautiful crisp white cabinets decorated in an almost victorian style and they are complemented by shiny brand new stainless steel appliances, and what i love about it the most is that instead of granite counter tops it has the most beautiful wood counter top that matches the floor, i walk out of kitchen and just past that is yet another dining room (like really who needs two dinning rooms) i gasp as i see its more of a relaxed room with a less eleoquently set table( i am going to guess the other one was the Formal Dining room) but anyway its so beautiful and i am only in my 4th room. i walk towards another door and i see a full home theater, there is a 70 inch flat screen and every game system and a full dvd and vcr combo ( yes i do love watching a vcr tape once and i while ) i look at the collection of tapes and dvd i see a few movies that remind me of the boys i pull out grease on vcr, love actually, titanic, all three toy stories. i sigh and i sit down on the movie theater seats and i think about all of them. i remember i still have an entire house to look at still. i walk out of the theater and into another room and i see a bedroom, its a really decent size with a king size bed in it, there is also a 50 inch television mounted on the wall ( its too big for me, a king size bed is to be shared between to people in love) i walk out if the bedroom and into another, its painted pink and its all girly but to be completely honest it complements my feminine side, i forgot to mention that there are fireplaces in like every single room( i mean damn i am going to need to hire a fucking lumberjack to get the wood for all of these room) my sense of humor is absolutely fabulous, louis always laughed at my jokes even if they were not funny i feel the tears welling up in my eyes and i try to hold it in, but i am can not do it, and the tears start flowing down my face. i pick this room as my bedroom and i go to find the bathroom, its is absolutely stunning, there is a full size jacuzzi tub that could fit 6 people, i run the water and i let it get hot. i get undressed and i sit in the scalding hot water and i wince in pain, but the pain feels amazing on my still fresh cuts. i sit in the hot water and i let the burning make my body numb. i look around the bathroom and i see a pack of old fashioned razors and my mind starts racing ( no one will miss you, no one will notice that you are gone, nobody loves you, your a waste of time, fag, ugly,fat, stupid, loser, nobody, cut yourself you fag end it, end it all, no one wants you)  
. i pull one out of the package. i place it on my wrist and i slide it across and the crimson red blood drips out into the crisp clear water. i feel myself getting lightheaded and i wrap a towel around my wrist and i stop the bleeding. ( i was so close, so fucking close i could have ended it all but then i thought of louis and i realized that someone would miss me.


	28. (flashback)  The next door neighbor

i get out of the bathtub and i wrap my cut up with a dry towel to stop the bleeding, it hurts so much that i start crying my eyes out, i think of my louis and it just makes the physical pain that turns into an intense emotional pain. i walk into my bed room and i lie on the bed, i accidentlly lean on the cut and i scream out in pain, 

i hear a knock on the door and my heart skips a beat did they already find me that quickly.

i ask who is it they say " its your neighbor my name is demi"

i opened the door and this girl with bright blue hair at my door and she starts stuttering " you're harry styles from one direction, what are you doing in boston you don't have a concert here, whats wrong with your arm"

"N-Nothing" i stutter out

she walks in and grabs my arm" you better not be doing that you are better than this " 

i look down in sadness " no i am not, i am worthless and pathetic i am a faggot and i do not deserve to live anymore"

" what happened to the harold styles i knew, the one that always smiled the goofy womanizer. the one in love with his best friend" she say smiling

as soon as she mentioned louis my heart breaks " dont ever say that again" i scream

"whatever i see how you look at him, just the way i look at nialler but i will never have him because he loves zayn" she says and a tear rolls down her cheek 

" you love nialler i thought that was just a rumour" i say smiling

" ill tell you if you tell me" she says 

" i do love louis and i ran away because he will never love me back" i say crying 

" aww harry come here let demi hug you till you feel better " she says smiling 

" thanks dem hey where are you living" i say 

" i live next door" she says smiling 

" dem do you want to move into my house i mean it is pretty damn big there is room for both of us" i say smiling 

" of course harry" she giggles


	29. Harry's breaking heart

Hazza's P.O.V  
so the next day i woke up bright and early in the morning and went over to demi's apartment, i knock on the door with one of those ancient door knockers, you know the ones that are shaped like lions, yah one of those  
she answers the door and she says" harry why the hell are you up so early in the morning and she invites me in, i look around at the apartment it looks exactly like mine its like they were both designed by the same people. i am in deep thought when dem says "so harry why are you here so damn early" i look up and say" sorry dem just thinking about stuff and i was thinking we could get started with moving early then we could do some shopping cus i definitely need a new wardrobe"   
"that would be awesome hazza" demi says and it goes right to my heart and my eyes start tearing up. demi looks at me and pulls me into a hug "harry i am sorry i didnt mean it i forgot"  
"dem i am going to run to use your bathroom quickly" i say smiling" ill be right behind you after i am done so get packing"  
"kay harry just hurry your ass up" she says giggling  
i run up the stairs and i go into her room because the bathroom is connected to her bedroom, i look on there end table and my whole world comes crashing down on me, sitting there in a picture frame is me and the boys and demi and simon from when we performed on the x-factor, i feel the tears rolling down my face, i bring the picture into the bathroom and i lock the door. i run my finger in louis' beautiful face, i ask him why he doesnt love me, and obviously he doesn't answer me. i get mad and i break the frame and then the urges come back, all the cuts and the blood. i take one of the shards of glass and i press it to my skin, i wince out in pain, it hurts so much but it makes the emotional pain go away.  
Demi's P.O.V  
i am packing up my kitchen when i think god what the hell is harry taking so long in the bathroom is he thinking about louis and he is pleasuring himself. i walk up the stairs and i walk into my room, i notice the door is locked and i knock on the door, he doesnt answer. maybe he is just thinking like he was before, i look around the room for something to unlock the door, i see that my picture of the boys, me and simon from the x-factor is missing and i start worrying about harry, but then the door unlocks and what i see shocks me.   
i have never seen harry like this before, he looks lost and broken like he is missing his soul and his heart, like it was ripped right out of him. " demi please help me" he says and i look at his arms and the blood is pouring down his arm. " harry why would you do that" i said  
" because when i asked him if he loved me he didnt answer me" harry says sobbing .i look in the bathroom and see the picture on the floor covered in blood. i knew what he meant. after i got out of rehab i sorta fell for nialler and ever since of the first time at x-factor i started cutting again, and sometimes it just got to the point where i cut on a daily basis  
" harry come on i will take care of you" i say smiling  
" demi plz make all the pain away make me forget him" he says with tears in his eye  
i wrap up harry cuts and i carry him to a spare bedroom and put him in bed and i sit in the bed with him so if he has any nightmares i will be there for him  
i promise that i will help you get better harry, i cant promise i will make you forget him because it is impossible


	30. Reaching out for help

Demi's P.O.V  
i really dont know how to help out harry, he is hurting himself so much. he needs the boys but he doesnt want to be a burden. i let him stay at my house over night. i told him he could stay becuase he was to weak to walk to his house, but i really want him to stay so i can watch him. he really needs someone.   
What can i do to help him, he needs someone. come on demi, what did you do when you were going through the self harming stage. your mom got the one person that you didnt want to help you. i pull out my phone and i text someone that will help him  
????'s P.O.V  
my phone goes off and wakes me up who is texting me at this time of night. i read the text, its from demi lovato, what a nice girl. but what i read get my heart racing. she lives next door to harry in boston and he is self-harming. she said she is moving in with him so she can watch over him.   
i text demi back   
\- i think it is best if you just move away, he probably doesnt want any reminders of his past right now"  
she texts back  
\- i can't do that to him he is hurt and he feels abandoned-  
i answer   
\- demi you don't need this stress right now you have to do the x-factor  
she texts me and says   
\- i am not giving up on him, i won't let him go through this alone like everyone did to me goodbye, dont try to stop me.   
Demi's P.O.V   
harry walks into the kitchen and says he has a really killer headache it almost looks like a truck just hit him and then he got ran over by ten other cars, it looks like he hasn't slept in almost a week. i hand him a few pills to make him feel better, they are asprins so his headache goes away. i pull him into a hug, and i tell him that everything is okay and i will be here for him no matter what  
i get a text and i look at my phone quickly and it says its from nialler harry sees my phone and he pushes away from me  
" demi please tell me you didnt text him" he says crying  
" no he just texted me saying that he needs to talk about something, he really needs my help, but what do i do about you, what if he asks about you what i should do about it. " i say worrying  
" just lie" he says trying to hold back his tears  
i pick up the phone and i call him  
" he dem whats up are you busy' niall says from the other end of the line  
" nothing much just moving in to my new house"   
"cool where is it" he says   
" boston, so what did you want to talk about ni"  
" well zayn broke up with me"  
" i heard about that why did he do that" i say hoping he doesnt say harry  
" he said because i was to preoccupied with trying to find harry" my heart drops " speaking of harry there are sources that say harry is in the united states, could you keep an eye out for him"  
i breathe in and i am about to answer him when i look at harry and i see his tears welling up in his eyes  
"sure niall but why would he come here" i say   
" okay thanks demi" he hangs up the phone and i breathe out  
who do you think the mystery man is????????


	31. trying to end it all

*back to the present*  
harry's P.O.V  
i slip into my bed at my mum's house i think about all the lives i have screwed up and the people i have broken, i still never said goodbye to demi, i pull out my phone and text demi  
" hey demi its harry, i just wanted to say goodbye you were an amazing friend and i am glad i really got to know you"   
she replies  
" harry please don't do anything stupid"  
" dem he told me he loves me, he broke up with josh he asked me out and do you know what i said"?  
" did you say yes"  
"no i said no, i broke him, i broke myself and there is no fixing me" i text her with tears in my eyes" goodbye"  
i decide to text liam next   
" hey li its harry i really want to say thank you for being there for me, through it all. it hurts me to say this but goodbye"  
i text zayn next  
" hey z you are my best friend and this is going to be so difficult to say, but i guess i have to say it, goodbye buddy, i am sorry i screwed up you and niall, i guess thats what happens whe you just fuck everything up"  
i text louis next  
" lou you meant the world to me you are my everything you made me smile for so long and even when i left you were on my mind 24/7 but louis when i said no at the hospital i saw the pain in your eyes and the sadness in your soul, i saw that i had broke you, you deserve someone better than me, plus josh has a better voice than me i am pretty sure he would be better in the band than i ever was goodbye boo bear i love you "  
finally i text the one i had been dreading  
" nialler i am sorry for all the pain i have caused you, i am sorry about worrying you and now i know why i did the things i did, because that first time we were in the hospital i noticed something, something that scared me i was in love with louis but ni i was head over heels for you and i was scared so i ran away, i ran away from all the pain i ran away from the people i loved and that loved me, so niall i want you to love zayn like i could't love you goodbye leprechaun i love you"  
i open up the bottle of pain killers and i swallow them all, i pull out the razor and slide it across my skin viciously. i feel the world go dark, you know how people say that before death your entire life goes by well it does because in those moment, i saw all the boys for one last time, i saw us winning our brit even our kid's choice awards, i saw all of our concerts at once and for the first time in forever i felt happy


	32. The Responses

demi's P.O.V   
after harry texts me my heart drops he was doing so good before he left, he was soo happy what happened. i need to get to england  
i get on simon's private jet and i make my way to england  
Liams P.O.V  
my phone text alert goes off   
new message from harold   
" hey li its harry i really want to say thank you for being there for me, through it all. it hurts me to say this but goodbye"  
i text harry back " where are you hazza please answer me"  
but he doesn't respond  
zayn's P.O.V  
my phone vibrates in my pocket and i lift nialler off of me so i can grab it and i check it and it says new message from hazza  
"hey nialler i have to go to the bathroom my mom wants to talk to me"  
"ok zaynie"   
i read the message  
" hey z you are my best friend and this is going to be so difficult to say, but i guess i have to say it, goodbye buddy, i am sorry i screwed up you and niall, i guess thats what happens whe you just fuck everything up"   
my brain starts racing i text the one person i know can help  
"hey anne is harry home"  
"yah he came home earlier this morning why" she responds back  
" have you talked to him recently" i text  
" no he has been really quiet i thought he needed some time alone"   
"please go check on him for me"  
"okay zayn"  
Louis P.O.V  
i can't believe what he said i finally accepted his love and he tell me he can't be with me the nerve of him  
my phone goes off and i read it says one new message from haz i see what he says   
" lou you meant the world to me you are my everything you made me smile for so long and even when i left you were on my mind 24/7 but louis when i said no at the hospital i saw the pain in your eyes and the sadness in your soul, i saw that i had broke you, you deserve someone better than me, plus josh has a better voice than me i am pretty sure he would be better in the band than i ever was goodbye boo bear i love you "  
tears start rushing down my cheek, is this how he really feels is this the real harry had i broken him that much to the point where he will commit suicide  
"harry if you are still there please dont do this i love you baby please dont give up" but there is still no answer  
niall's P.O.V.  
i wonder what made zayn leave so quickly, he never acts like this  
my text alert goes off and it says one message from harry i am scared to open it   
but i do anyway   
nialler i am sorry for all the pain i have caused you, i am sorry about worrying you and now i know why i did the things i did, because that first time we were in the hospital i noticed something, something that scared me i was in love with louis but ni i was head over heels for you and i was scared so i ran away, i ran away from all the pain i ran away from the people i loved and that loved me, so niall i want you to love zayn like i could't love you goodbye leprechaun i love you"  
harry.... please....  
he love me he really loves me, and i have loved him for a while,   
"hazza i love you too plz don't do anything stupid"


	33. The plane ride and the song

so i would like to dedicate this chappie to shineytinfoil she gave me the idea for this chappie so here it is   
Anne's P.O.V  
when zayn called me i thought he was crazy at first but he was right harry went up stairs hours ago, and he hasn't come down since i should check on him  
i walk up the strairs, i call out for harry but there is no answer maybe he is sleeping.   
i knock on his door and still no answer, i open the door and the floor is covered in blood and harry is lying on the floor covered in blood i call for an ambulance. they get here rather quickly. they take harry to the hospital but don't take me because they need to get him there as soon as possible  
i call zayn and tell him what's happened and he said he will be right there.   
i tell him that all the flights have been grounded because of computer issues  
Zayn's P.O.V  
" HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GETTING TO HARRY ITS HOURS AWAY" i scream  
niall pulls me into a hug and says  
" what about a plane baby"  
i snap at him " ALL THE PLANES ARE GROUNDED"   
i see his eyes welling up with tears, as he turns away and runs upstairs  
" niall i am sorry" i mumble   
louis runs after niall to comfort him  
" liam how are we going to get there"   
the front door of our flat opens up and standing there is demi lovato  
" get your asses ready i stole simon's private jet i will bring you to harry you got five minutes"  
niall's p.o.v  
" he yelled at me louis he hurt me i didn't know the planes were grounded"   
" nialler everyone reacts to things differently i think zayn is a little tense"  
someone knocks on the door i ask who it is " its liam both of you get downstairs"   
me and lou rush down stairs and we see demi lovato  
she explains that she stole simon's private jet and she is flying us to harry  
Zayn's P.O.V  
we get to the airport and we bored simon's jet  
the pilot prepares for take off, he turns on the radio and a song i have never heard before came on   
I don't need your sympathy  
There's nothing you can say or do for me  
And I don't want a miracle  
You'll never change for no one  
I hear your reasons why  
Where did you sleep last night?  
And was she worth it, was she worth it?  
'Cos I'm strong enough  
To live without you  
Strong enough and I quit crying  
Long enough now I'm strong enough  
To know you gotta go  
There's no more to say  
So save your breath  
And then walk away  
No matter what I hear you say  
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go  
So you feel misunderstood  
Baby, have I got news for you  
On being used, I could write a book  
You don't wanna hear about it  
I've been losing sleep  
You've been going cheap  
She ain't worth half of me it's true  
I'm telling you  
Now I'm strong enough to live without you  
Strong enough and I quit crying  
Long enough now I'm strong enough  
To know you gotta go   
Come hell or waters high  
You'll never see me cry  
This is our last goodbye, it's true  
I'm telling you  
That I'm strong enough to live without you  
Stron enough and I quit crying  
Long enough now I'm strong enough  
To know you gotta go  
There's no more to say  
So save your breath  
And you walk away  
No matter what I hear you say  
I'm strong enough to know you gotta go  
as the song fades into another i look around at everyone louis is cuddling up to liam who has been crying ever since we got on the plane and then i look over at niall and i get a pang of jealousy he is snuggled up to demi who fell asleep because she was crying so nuch and in that moment i thought that maybe that song meant something but would nialler ever cheat on me... i hope not.... as my mind races i slowly sleep into the darkness that is restless sleep   
soooo how do you guys like the story so far and the song is strong enough by cher you should totally look it up its an amazing song


	34. The hospital and the mini blow up

niall's P.O.V  
we arrived in england and we all got into a car that paul arranged for us. i look at zayn and think should i tell him what harry said to me. i feel like i need to but i am scared.  
demi sits next to me and says " nialler what's wrong"?  
nothing dem i am fine" i say as tears roll down my face i try to hide my face so zayn doesn't see me  
"niall tell me whats wrong" she says   
" i'll show you" i say as i pull out my phone and i show her the texts  
" niall do you love him to"   
i....i think so, ever since the first time we were in the hospital" i say crying  
" ni you need to tell zayn" she says  
" i can't dem i just can't i will have to love him from a far" i say crying even more  
" hey demi can i talk to niall" zayn says as he comes over to me  
" hey babe whats wrong" he says   
"n..nothings wrong z" i say crying even more  
" baby you can tell me everything i won't get mad" zayn says pulling me into a hug  
" zayn i can't tell you" i say trying to hold in the tears. i can't stop thinking about harry, i am so stupid why didn't i notice that he loves me  
" NIALL WHY CAN'T YOU TELL ME"!!!! zayn screams  
i push away from him and say "GET AWAY FROM ME" i curl up in a ball and start crying i pull off my phone case and pull out my last razor i slide the shiny blade across my arm and watch as the blood drips down my arm. i feel the pain and i makes everything better. i start to drift off into the dark as i feel someone shake me  
" Ni are you awake we are here" liam says he goes to grab me and he grabs my arm that is still bleeding i slip away back into the sleep wishing i was never alive  
liam P.O.V  
" demi and zayn go inside and check on anne and haz" i say "louis please come here i need you"  
" whats up li" he says   
" lou he cut again" i say " and now he won't wake up"  
" liam give me your scarf so i can wrap the cut"   
" lou we need to get him inside so they can help him"  
we carry him into the hospital and go to one of the nurses and tell her what happened  
she tells us to carry him to the room and we see that it is the same room as harry  
" whats wrong with him why does he have your scarf on his arm li" zayn asks with his voice cracking  
" he cut again" lou says crying  
" HE PROMISED THAT HE WOULDN'T HOW THE FUCK COULD HE BREAK HIS PROMISE" zayn say leaving  
zayn's P.O.V  
as i storm out of the room i grab my phone and walk away i pull it out and see its nialls phone ever since harry messaged him what did he say i unlock his phone and i look for harry's texts  
i find it and i read what it says  
"that fucking asshole he can't love him. he is mine" i say crying  
i call liam   
" zayn why do you have nialls phone" he says   
" i accidently grabbed it" i say crying  
"z whats wrong" he asks   
" i need you liam i am outside" i sob out  
" ill be right there zayn" and he hangs up  
"zayn what wrong"   
"Liam he loves niall"   
" who love niall louis.... or harry"   
" harry...."  
"zayn we need to tell louis"  
" no"!!!!!  
" zayn you need to" he says " i am going back in" as he trys to walk back in   
i grab him by his shirt and slam him against the wall " i swear to god you better not fucking do it i swear to god you better not tell that fag" i let him go and i see his shirt is ripped  
louis's P.O.V  
liam walks in and his shirt is ripped " liam what happened to you" i question   
" nothing" he says pissed off  
i wonder what happened


	35. why does no one ever notice my scars

Louis' pov  
this really pisses me off liam comes in with his shirt ripped and i ask him whats wrong and he flips out on me like really what did i do wrong... fuck.... i am about to leave. i feel like getting away  
" he li i am going to go for a walk ill be back soon" i say as i walk out the door  
he replies " lou don't get lost like last time we don't need to go on twitter and have our fans find you do we" he says with a smile trying to lighten the mood  
" no li" i say with a frown  
i leave the hospital and start walking down the street.. i start thinking... why doesn't anyone ever notice me hurting... no one ever does.... no one sees the scars because they are hidden.. they are somewhere no one will ever see....  
but what if i need someone to see it... i pull out the razor i keep in my wallet. i slide the cold metallic blade across my equally cold and sensitive skin, it feels so good... its refreshing. i can feel my adrenaline pumping hopefully someone sees. i stop the bleeding and i semi cover the fresh cut.  
i walk back to the hospital and go visit nialler because they have the curtain up. he is awake now.  
i say "nialler are you okay sweetie"  
he replies nervously "n...no"  
" you can tell me anything sweetie" i say smiling  
" plz don't get mad at me" he says on the verge of tears   
"i won't hun"  
" harry said he loves me" he says my heart drops "he sent it in the note he wrote to me"  
" niall i don't believe you" i say  
" check my phone" i point to the counter and my heart dropped i see zayns phone but not mine " shit"  
"ni whats wrong "  
" zayn has my phone and probably already saw the text" he says crying  
" niall ill go find him" i say as i hug him basically putting the cut in his face  
i go to walk away   
" and lou we will be talking about that little thing on your arm when we get back, plz don't do that its not worth your time"  
i try to say under my breath " niall i have been doing longer than all of you"  
" lou get over here right now fuck my phone i heard what you said" he says crying even more " where are your cuts cus we change together all the time and i never ever see them so tell me where they are"  
" niall i can't" i say as i walk into the hall and go to the bathroom to make the pain go away


	36. The surprise

Niall POV  
I hope Louis doesn't hate me for what I told him. Zayn already hates  
me, but I never said I loved Harry, Harry loves me. But I can't not  
lie and say maybe I do have feelings for Harry. Zayn doesn't want me  
no more. I sigh and walk towards the bathroom to check on Lou. I knock  
on the door.  
"Lou, you there." I asked knocking on the door. I hear crying so I  
turn the knob and I see blood on the floor and on Lou's stomach.  
"LOU!" I screamed rushing towards him, he looks surprise and and scared.  
"Shit, I thought I locked the door." Louis said trying to clean up the  
mess on the floor.  
, I-I just couldn't take the pain it makes me feel good you know what's its like." Louis said stuttering and  
cleaning his cut from his stomach.  
"Yea... was the r-reason you c-cut because of w-what I told you  
a-about H-Harry" I asked nervously.it's all  
my fault, i shouldn't have told Louis.  
"Y-Yea, I thought Harry loved me, but he loves you." Louis said sadly.  
Then Louis took the blade and was about to stab his stomach, but I  
push my hand over his stomach and the blade stab my hand.  
"Ah shit" I said biting my tongue. The blade pierced my hand and  
left a gash in the middle of my hand   
"Shit, I'm sorry, Niall I didn't mean to hurt you." Louis voice  
cracked. I hugged himand he started to cry.  
"It's ok, Louis I know, but you gotta stop hurting yourself. I want  
you to know that Harry is in love with me, but I am not." I said,  
reassuring Louis.  
"You don't" Louis asked, shocked. I shake my head.  
"No, I still love Zayn, but since he read the text message on my  
phone, he probably hates me and is doing something crazy." I said,  
frowning. I'm so stupid I should've told Zayn the truth, but he had to  
find out the hard way.  
"Then, what are you going to say too Harry." Louis questions while  
applying pressure to my wound,  
"The truth, it's the only option, I have been lying to much and I need  
to stop, I lost Zayn by not telling him about how Harry feels." I  
said, crying. To think Zayn found someone better than me breaks my  
heart. He will never love me again, because I keep lying in his face,  
about the cutting and now the Harry situation.  
"You haven't lost Zayn, he just probably cooling off somewhere." Louis  
said cleaning my tears away from my hand.  
"I hope so."  
Louis and I finish cleaning up the mess in the bathroom, I made sure  
Louis cut is not too deep. Louis and I exited out of the bathroom and  
go to Harry room.  
"Harry, I want you to know that I love you, but not that kind of way,  
as a brother yes, but I am in love with someone else." I said taking  
his hand as his lifeless body was laying there  
i walk out the room to leave louis alone with his hazza  
LOUIS POV  
I sit down on the seat next to Harry, I see Niall walking out the room  
giving us some alone time.  
"I know your still in love with Niall, but I can promise you Harry  
that I will be there of you no matter what." I pleaded taking Harry's cold  
hand,  
"When Niall told me that you texted him about that you loved him, I  
was crushed and heartbroken. That's what made me realize my feelings  
for you Harry." I said, I get up from the sit and lift my shirt.  
"I cut like Niall, I just couldn't take the pain inside my heart any  
longer so I cut, that's when Niall found me in the bathroom. He made  
me realize, if I want something than I should fight for it." I said,  
crying.  
I kissed him on the lips.  
Niall POV  
i hear footsteps and someone calling out "zayn don't do anything stupid!!!"  
"SO YOU'RE GOING TO TELL ME, THAT YOU RATHER HAVE HARRY OVER ME." Zayn screamed.  
"NO, I DIDN'T CHOOSE HARRY I CHOOSE YOU, OK IT'S ALWAY BEEN YOU." I  
screamed back.  
"I saw the messages, Niall I know what Harry wrote." Zayn sneered.  
"So, he told me he loved me, but I told him I love someone else." I said  
"Then your fucking around with someone else who is it?" Zayn said getting  
close to my face.  
" is it liam" he says  
" no bro it ain't me" liam says as he walks away  
"YOU" I scream smashing my lips on Zayn's. He push me one the bed  
never breaking the kiss. Zayn kisses my jawline and makes me moan.  
Hazza's P.O.V.  
all of this yelling is pissing me the fuck off  
i try to scream  
" could we all just shut the fuck up"  
nothing happens  
i try again   
Nothing i try one last time   
and it works   
they all look at me in shock and say in unison  
"Harry"!!!!!


	37. the arrangement between two friends

Harry's P.O.V  
i could feel all of the pain coming back to me.. all the heartbreak for lou... everything... including what i wrote to niall i can't believe i said that.   
i look over at niall and zayn.. i can see how separated they are did zayn see the text messages and are they fighting.. sigh... i screwed everything up again. why do i even try... i look over at louis and he is cuddled up to liam and he is crying... i heard what he said to me that day and i want to love him again but i cant. why can't i... oh because he broke me. liam hugs him and he winces in pain...  
" lou are you okay" liam says  
"y-yyeah i am fine l-lli-i" he chokes out between sobs  
i speak up "lou can i speak to you"  
" sure hazza" he comes over to me  
" could you guys give us some privacy" i say smiling   
" sure hazza" liam says  
" yah haz" niall says winking maybe he feels the same way about me  
" sure thing" zayn says with piercing eyes.. it sears into my soul and it hurts   
"shit he knows" i mumble  
" who knows hazza" louis says kissing my lips  
" does zayn know about what i said to niall in the text" i say sighing   
" yah but he isn't mad....." louis says sadly  
" i am sorry lou but i have known about my feeling for him for a really long time and i love him so much but he has zayn and i have no..." i see lou's face and i stop  
" i guess i am no one to you" he says crying as he runs out of the room  
the boys run in and start screaming at me  
" what's wrong with lou, what the fuck did you say to him" liam screams at me  
" i told him that no one loves me"   
"harry are you a fucking asshole" liam screams at me and smacks me across my face and runs after lou   
"what crawled up his ass" i say   
" we can't tell you lou has to be the one to tell you" niall says holding me tightly  
i see his scar on his side and i say" zayn can i talk to niall for a minute"   
"sure"he says and he walks outside   
i point at the scar" niall i thought that you would stop doing that "   
" hazza i am sorry" he says on the verge of tears" i did something stupid"  
"niall you can tell me anything"  
" hazza why do you love me" he says  
" because niall you are sweet and adorable and the only one that actually cared about me" i say   
" that's not true louis cares about you"   
" niall can i do something" i say smiling   
niall looks out the window and see zayn smoking and he looks at me and smiles " sure"  
i lean in and press my lips to his soft and supple lips and fireworks explode inside i moan " niaa-aall please do that again"  
i slide my tongue along his bottom lip asking for entrance he lets me in and our tongues fight for dominance it feels so good i am in complete ecstasy as i feel niall's hand slowly pawing at my hardened member though my tight jeans   
" a little eager aren't you" i say smirking  
he reaches in my pants and starts stroking my hard member "mm..mmm n-nni--iaalll faaster" i moan  
my breathe hitches as my i feel myself reach a climax and i cover niall's hand in my cum. he pulls it out of my pants... he does something absolutely sexy and he slowly licks my cum off of my hand and that causes me to climax again. i pull niall close again i slip my tongue is his mouth again and he spits the cum into my mouth... it tastes gross at first but as his spits more into my mouth i moan out " g-oo-dd ni--aall that was so hot so how about we make this a little fun thing between us when you can't pleasure zayn i'll let you have some fun with me"  
niall's breathe hitches at the question and says " ye-sss" as we continue making out


	38. the Truth

Harry's pov  
I can't believe we just did this.. why did i let niall do that he said he loves zayn he said he didn't feel the same about me. but what he did confuses me.. why would he do this.. now i am so confused does he feel the same or was it all to make me feel guilty i am scared to ask him.. what should i say to him.. should i even talk to him.. he used me but it felt so good... i felt so good. i felt loved.. more loved than louis ever made me feel... should i tell niall i love him or should i keep it to myself. i do love louis with my heart but my feelings for niall are stronger than the feeling i have for lou.   
"niall......" i say nervously  
" harry i have to go" he says walking out of the room  
" okay niall" i say with a single tear in my eye" we need to talk later" i say holding back sobs  
" okay hazza later" he says   
when he walks out of the room i break into tears. my heart is crushed yet again.. he is the second person that has broken my heart.. but i let myself get broken... its my fault its always my fault. i always screw everything up, and i always get my heart broken. i need louis or demi... i need them to hug me and hold me...  
i pull out my phone and text louis " can we talk"  
then i text demi " i really screwed up this time"  
lou answers back " i am on my way"  
"haz i know what happened" demi texts me " niall told me, you should tell louis.. harry we all know you love him.. you may love niall but not in the same way"  
"demi i don't know how i feel about the two of them" i say crying  
" harry we know how you look at louis and it is not the same way you look at niall, you have love towards louis and lust towards niall"  
" okay demi" i say " i'll tell louis"  
i think out loud   
"how am i going to tell lou what happened"   
" how are you going to tell me what haz?"  
"shit" i say under my breath  
i text demi again " how should i break it to him... i am scared"  
" hold him tight and tell him you are sorry harry tell him how you feel and tell him that what happened with niall was just because you screwed up with him and that you thought you lost him"  
" okay demi but if this blows up in my face i will text you so you can help me run away again :)"  
" harry stop it he won't leave you"   
"SO hazza what did you need to tell me"  
" umm... i... uh kinda....uh did ...um something stupid....  
" what did you do" he says looking disappointed  
i pull lou into a really big hug and kiss his cheek softly " please don't get mad at me" i say crying  
" i promise haz.. after what has happened i will never leave you  
"ikindascrewedaroundwithniallandwedidsomestuffbutlouiamsosososorry"   
" what" he says   
" i kinda screwed around with niall and we did some stuff but lou i am so so so sorry" i say sobbing  
" haz...." lou says frowning


	39. saving old love and blossoming new love

Harry's POV:  
"Haz..." Lou said frowning.  
"I know that you must hate me, but hear me out! I didn't mean too, I don't love Niall like I love you!" I cried and gathered my curls in my hands.  
"It's whatever, Haz. If I wasn't giving you what you wanted then it's okay. An agreement is an agreement." Louis smiled and starts walked out of the room.  
" lou i am sorry i can break it off with niall i love you to much and you give me what i need boo bear, i am sorry it was a mistake" i say grabbing his hand but he pulls away and i can see the tears pouring down his face  
i follow him and pull him into a hug " louis please listen to me i love you and only you. you are my everything and i am sorry about what i have done i screwed everything up. please don't leave me you mean the world to me lou i am begging you give me another chance a chance to prove my love for you please don't give up on us" i say crying my eyes out  
" HARRY, what is us you say you love me and then you fuck around with niall thats just some fucking bullshit you need to make up your mind... pick me or just leave me you have to make a choice and you have 30 minutes to answer me.. i am going outside" he screams in my face  
i can't believed i fucked it up again i always fuck everything up i am just sooo fucking stupid.. sigh   
i text niall  
hey ni i need to talk to you can you come here   
sure haz i'll be right there  
thanks hun  
np XOXO  
i hear a knock on the door and i see the two people that i really need to talk to   
"hey haz whats up" niall says sitting beside me  
"are you okay boo" demi says hugging me  
" no i fucked everything up again... i told him... i couldn't keep it from him i am sorry niall"  
"HARRY ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID HE IS GOING TO TELL ZAYN I FUCKING HATE YOU"  
" ni...niall i am sorry"  
" DON'T TRY TO APOLOGIZE TO ME" as i go to hug him he slaps me across the face  
" niall stop it" demi says " you were there when i was talking to him and you said it was okay"  
his eyes changed from anger to remorse   
" h..harry i am sorry" he goes to hug me and i flinch away and start cowering " plz i didn't mean it"  
" its okay niall" i say crying " i forgive you and plus louis wouldn't tell zayn he isn't that kind of guy"  
Liam's POV:  
I got up and got ready for the day. I grabbed my phone and texted Danielle to meet me for lunch. She texted back quickly and agreed to it. I smiled and got on my shoes and walked downstairs.  
"Hey Li, where are you going?" Niall asked getting up from the couch.  
"Go on a lunch date with Danielle." I said. "Got to go, bye Nialler!"  
"Bye!" He called.  
I started to feel bad slightly. This wasn't going to be a normal lunch date. I was actually going to do something that I've been meaning to do for a long time. I sighed and drove to the resturaunt and she arrived along with me.  
We ordered and started to talk a bit.  
"Dani, I have something to tell you..." I said.  
"What is it Li Li?" She asked confused.  
"I think i have finally found the one" i say smiling   
She dropped her fork with her mouth hanging open.   
"really liam i am soo happy for you" she says smiling "so who is the lucky man"  
"its josh but i don't know if he feels the same about me" i say giggling like a school girl"  
Danielle says " well what are you doing sitting here go get your man and make him yours"  
" we are best friends right dani" i say   
"of course liam now get your gay little ass moving" she says smacking my bottom  
I get in my car and drive to Josh's house. I ran up and knocked on the door. Josh answered the door quickly. He smiled.  
"Oh hey Li." He said.  
"Hey I need to talk to you." I said.  
He crossed his arms and stared at me.  
"What's up?" He asked.  
"I broke up with Danielle, for you. 'Cause I love you Josh..." I said.  
"Oh my gosh...are you seriousl Liam?!" Josh asked.  
"Yes..." I said and grabbed his face planting a big kiss on his lips.  
" liam i am confused... i still have feelings for louis" josh says with a look of regret on his face  
" but louis doesn't feel the same way and i can make those feelings go away did you think about louis when i kissed you" i question him  
" noo i guess i didn't " josh says smiling   
"so will you give us a chance" i say  
" maybe i will liam " he says smiling " maybe i will"  
he leans into me and kisses me softly and then the kiss gets intense he licks my lips begging for entrance so after fighting for a little i finally let him in and when our tongues dance it feels like ecstasy i moan his name and he says  
" damn liam you are one horny little bastard aren't you" josh says   
" yah but i am only like that for you"   
" wow baby you really get turned on by my body don't you "  
"yah i do" i moan out  
" umm liam i don't want to interrupt our moment but we are outside" josh points out to me   
" fuck... fuck ....fuck this can't be happening" i say worried  
" liam are you not ready to come out yet" he says frowning  
" i don't know" i stutter out  
i see a flash and then someone running out of the bushes  
" fuck josh that was the paps" i say about to cry  
" liam i am here for you" he says pulling me into a hug


	40. drunk

Niall's P.O.V  
fuck it i don't know what to do i am sooo scared i love my zany but i do have feelings for harry. he means so much to me!! i call demi   
" hey demi can you come here i need to talk to you" i say crying " i am so confused i really need your help "  
" sure nialler i will be right there" she says   
come on demi what is taking your ass so fucking long god you are soooo slow come on come on come on demi i am going to be old as fuck by the time you get here god damn demi stop taking forever.. i am going to wither away into....  
" niall i am here" demi call through the door  
" finallllyyyy what toooook you so lonnnnggg" i say sluring my words   
( dont judge me i enjoy getting drunk in the middle of the day i am irish for god sakes lol its completely normal)  
" niall are you drunk" she says  
" yahhhh i am " i say giggling  
" why nialler"   
" because i don't know what to doooo.... lol demi i screwed everything up"   
" niall don't say that please stop you didn't screw up anything" demi says  
" dem i screwed upppp.... i don't deserve zayn"   
i do something i promised i wouldn't do i pull out my razor and i try to hide it from demi but she noticed   
" niall put that down now i swear to god don't do anything stupid!!!"  
" no demi i deserve the pain i screwed it all up!!! "  
" just stop it please for me" she goes to grab for the razor and i slide it across my wrist before she grabs it she looks disappointed in me and she says " niall why would you do that"  
she runs to the kitchen and grabs a towel to wrap up the cut but she leaves the blade on the table i pick it up and i slash my wrists as quickly as i can i feel the pain and it feels so good   
she comes back into the room and she sees what i have done  
" niall please stop this... please you don't deserve the pain you are amazing"   
"no demi you are amazing " i lean in and i touch our lips together i don't feel the sparks but i need to forget i need her to forget so i can finally be gone   
she moans " nn...iiiaall"   
i deepen the kiss and the pain goes away but i feel my body going weak and i say it   
" goodbye dani"


	41. we did all we could

Demi's P.O.V  
I am so stupid I should have brought the razor blade with me. I was sooo worried I forgot about it. this is all my fault Niall doesn't deserve a friend like me. I am on the way to the hospital and the douchebag medick won't let me text the boys. I mean seriously I need to tell them. Dod how fucking far is the hospital from here. Its been like 20 minutes. Fucking god could they go any slower. Finally we come to a stop and they take Niall out and tell me to sit in the waiting room  
I pull out my phone and text the boys  
" Liam you need to get to the hospital niall tried it again bring Josh if you want"  
" Louis get to the hospital niall cut again i am so so sorry"  
" Harry get your cheeky ass here. "  
" Zayn please come to the hospital niall is going to need you... he cut again  
I put my phone down and i get a response its from liam  
" I am getting dressed and i am on my way and why would i need Josh"  
I respond back  
" You are going to need someone to hold you"  
I don't get a response from him so i am probably guessing he is driving  
Lou and Haz text me at the same   
" Demi me and Hazza are on our way"  
" Demi do you know why he did it"  
I text them both the same thing  
" Okay and i think that is something i need to tell you in person"  
I wait fifteen minutes for Zayn to respond and no answer  
I keep waiting and the doctor comes out to me and tells me something that breaks my heart  
" He is on suicide watch because of all of the attempts he has made on his life and in five days he will be sent to a facility that will help him get better. I don't know how long he will be there for but we will keep you updated"  
After the doctors leave the boys walk in and ask me what the doctor was talking to me about.. i hesitate... i really don't think its the best time for it but i have to tell them  
" Umm i really don't know how else to say this but he is on suicide watch... and in a few days he will be transferred to a facility that helps people that are suicidal.... they said that he could be there for a while but the aren't completely sure"  
The boys faces change and i see the pain and guilt in their eyes... then i hear a voice say   
" What did the fag do this time"?  
We all turn to see Zayn with Perrie and them sucking each others face my blood boils and i am about to go after that slut but i feel an arm around me its Liam and he says " i got this"  
Liams P.O.V  
I can't believe that asshole said that i mean really... and he has that slut with him.... i say   
" Zayn can i speak to you outside without that" pointing at the slut  
She scoffs and Zayn lets go of her hand and we walk outside.  
" What the fuck do you think you are doing you are back with that slut.. i thought she cheated on you... i thought she ended things with you"  
" She did Li but i still love her... my feelings for her are still there..."  
" What about your boyfriend the one that is in the fucking god damn hospital the one that need you the one that loves you the one that might be sent away for a few months" i say looking down at the ground and i look up and i see Zayn's face change.  
" W..what do you mean liam.."? Zayn says with guilt on his face   
" He is on suicide watch Z they are going to have a guard with him 24/7... and in a few days they are going to be sending him away to a facility... he might be there for a month or even more" i say holding in tears  
" Liam i don't think i have feelings for him anymore" he says crying  
" Whatever Zayn" i say looking pissed off  
I walk back into the hospital and Zayn follows  
Zayns P.O.V  
I really don't have feelings for Niall anymore he is just a friend... and thats all he ever will be... i follow Liam back into the hotel and then we all go into Niall's room.. he is awake and i can see his face change from sad to broken as soon as he sees Perrie holding me.... it hurts me to hurt him but i really don't love him anymore.. i look at my beautiful girlfriend and in that moment no one else matters... she leans in for a kiss and i peck her lips quickly and i hear a beeping and then Nialls eyes closing... fuck i did this... the doctors come in and one of the nurses escort us out of the room...  
We are sitting in the waiting room for about thirty minutes and the doctors come in and their faces look sad... no it can't be... i couldn't have done this to him one of them comes up to us and he says  
" I am sorry... we did all... " i don't hear anything else because i run out of the hospital in tears... i killed my best friend... my closest friend... the person that i loved and at one point could have married... i hear someone scream my name.... its Liam " Zayn come back you need to hear what they have to say"  
" Liam he is dead" i say crying  
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I DIDN'T WANT TO KILL MY NIALLER BUT I FELT THAT IT WAS NECESSARY...... YOU ARE ALL AMAZING SO PLEASE DON'T MURDER ME IN MY SLEEP


	42. the somewhat good news

Zayns P.O.V  
What did liam mean!!! Why did he want me to go back inside could he still be alive... there is no way... they said he was dead!!! he can't come back to life that is impossible right... i mean it happens in tv shows but it can't happen in real life can it..  
Why am i going crazy over it... maybe i still have feelings for Niall but i can't i love Perrie me and her are going to get married.... but me and Niall were suppose to get married... i decide to go inside  
i sit with the boys and Perrie and the doctor comes back in and he starts talking " we did all we could and we couldn't save him" i start crying and someone holds my hand and i look to see if it is Perrie but its Hazza he whispers to me " Zayn be strong and just listen " the doctor continues we have him on life support because he had kidney failure from the extreme loss of blood. he can be saved if we can find someone that can give him a kidney that is compatible. So we are going to ask all of you to give a sample so we can compare it to his. Mr Payne you cannot donate because you have already had kidney problems so Mr. Styles please come with me"   
Harry gets up and follows the doctors and it is completely dead silent for 30 minutes and Harry comes back 

I ask " are you a match Haz"  
" no i am not Z"  
" Mr. Tomlinson come with us please"  
another 30 minutes of silence Lou comes back and i repeat the question and it is the same answer  
" Ms Lovato please come with us "  
An hour later of yet more silence she comes back and i ask the same thing yet again and she pulls me into a hug and says " I am sorry Zayn but no"  
" Mr Malik could you please come with us"  
i get up and follow them to the room they cut open my stomach and they take a piece of my kidney before stitching it up again they test it and they come up to me and say " i am sorry but you are not compatible" i look down in sorrow as i walk up to the boys and Demi and Perrie and they pull me into a hug i look and Perrie is sitting down  
The doctors come and say " Ms Edwards would you please come with me"  
About an hour later she comes back looking sad... i know she isn't a match so i nervously ask her " a..are yy..you a match Per"   
" no i am sorry babe" she says   
the doctors come down the hall and say we have good news we found a match!!  
i smile and say "who is it" they say " she didn't tell you"  
" who" i ask confused   
" Ms edwards" they say and i look at her in pure anger and i scream


	43. Skin and Bones

Zayn's P.O.V

 

I can't believe she tried to lie to me she was going to let Niall die. that is really fucked up. i may not love niall anymore but i cannot stand that fucking bitch. i told her to leave and the boys flipped out. fuck she was a match... they said we only have a day to find a kidney that they can transplant or he will die. we can't lose Niall he is our little leprechaun. we have literally asked all of the people on our team and no one's kidney is a match. its pissing me off and it is all my fault why am i so stupid i should have flipped out on her after she gave her kidney. 

 

all the boys are flying in their families to save Niall. they hope one of their kidney's are a match. they are all about an hour away and the doctors say we have 23 hours left before his heart fails and he is a vegetable and keeping him on life support would be pointless. so we are all sitting in the waiting room.

 

The boys are all taking the news differently. Louis is almost in a mental breakdown. he was really close to Niall and he told niall everything i mean everything. after niall went into a coma he told us about how he cuts and he looked broken it literally took him 25 minutes to find the words to say to us. he said if Niall was here he would have felt much more comfortable. But i can see the sadness in his face. the emptiness in his eyes and harry doesn't even notice. he is curled up into Harry's side and he doesn't even feel how distant he is from him mentally.

 

Harry is hurting because he knows what niall went through. he knows about unrequited love but he was lucky that he found someone who wasn't an asshole someone that wouldn't hurt them or change their mind. but he is also so numb and oblivouis to his boyfriend but i can understand that. 

 

Liam is trying to be strong for us but i can see that he is breaking on the inside. he is also pissed at me. i promised that i wouldn't hurt Niall but look what i did i basically hurt him and ruined him. i am surprised that he hasn't killed me yet. 

 

Demi is crying. she said that she really screwed everything up. but she won't tell me what she did. i don't want to pressure her but it may be important.. 

 

i walk over to liam and he looks up at me and his face changes from sadness to anger. fuck he is going to kill me. 

 

he says " zayn can i talk to you outside"

 

" s..s..sure " i respond nervously 

 

we walk outside and he looks at me with fire burning in his eyes.

 

" this is why i didn't want you to date niall. he could be dead because of you and that slut!!!!!"

" i am fucking sorry liam i just don't love him anymore" i say crying

 

" what the fuck is wrong with you, how can you love someone one day and not the next you make no fucking sense just fucking leave zayn we don't need you here you already fucked everything up already so just fucking go" he screams at me 

 

" you can't tell me what to do" i say looking down in shame 

 

he grabs me and pushes me up against the wall and starts punching me in the stomach. i wince in pain but take my beating because deep down i know i deserve it.after a few seconds the punches stop and i hear harry screaming "liam stop it". 

 

he screams " no harry he deserves it he hurt niall he iss the rreason wwhyy niiiallls likeee thhhiss" 

 

harry starts saying " its no ones fau...." but i interupt him and say

 

"no harry it is my fault i am just going to get going i don't deserve to be here i did hurt niall but i am sorry.. i just don't love him anymore"

 

i hear louis crying even more then he says " how fucking dare you say that zayn... you are fucking madly in love with niall how can you just not love him anymore. you are a asshole. he deserves better than you. but he doesn't think he does and he probably won't get the chance to find someone better because he is going to die zayn. he is going to die because you fucked him over so many times he was hooked up on getting your attention and your love. he got so caught up on you he didn't take care of himself. i bet you didn't even notice that he lost about 30 pounds for you so you would notice him instead of that slut but you were to busy being preoccupied by yourself" 

 

i run into the hospital and into nialls room and i see how fragile he looks. he is all skin and bones... my heart drops and i break down into tears... i did this to him.... i broke the happy go lucky little leprechaun and louis is right... he will never find someone else.. or he will never be able to forgive me and let me win back his love... but i don't deserve his love


	44. Mr. Malik i have some good news

Zayn's P.O.V  
I can't believe i did this i hurt him, i hurt my little leprechaun i broke his heart into pieces i killed him. i have been sitting beside niall for almost 5 hours. he hasn't moved he will never move again and its all my fault. i blame myself he broke for me not once not twice but three time and i let him i am so selfish.   
i am so distracted i don't hear the doctor talking to me.   
"Mr. Malik are you listening" the doctor says " i have some good new"  
"what could possibly be good about my boy--- best friend dying" i say crying   
" we made a mistake with your kidney test you are a match " he says  
" i'm a match" i say smiling " i want to be in surgery as soon as possible"  
"okay Mr Malik come with me" he says leading me out of the room into the surgery center  
the last thing i hear before i am put under is " are you ready to save your boyfriend Mr Malik"  
i mumble out "yes" as i drift off  
Louis' P.O.V  
Where did they take zayn so quickly did something happen with niall.   
i look over at liam and ask him " what are they doing with zayn"   
" i have no idea" he says angrily   
" liam calm down" i say rubbing his back  
" i can't he fucking killed him" he screams as he breaks down into tears   
a nurse comes over to us and says " boys i am here to inform you there was a mistake with Mr. Maliks test and he actually is a match"  
My eyes light up as i look over to harry and for the first time in two days he isn't crying he is smiling  
" liam did you hear that he is a match" i say happily  
" yep i did, that fucker gets to be niall's saving grace again i should be the match not that bastard, he broke him, he isn't going to go anywhere near niall after he gets better " he growls  
" liam are you fucking serious he is his boyfriend! he loves him" harry screams at him  
" no to him niall is just a fucking loser fuck that he is using to get over perrie" he says crying  
" liam you still love niall don't you, you love josh but you love niall more " i say looking sad  
" yeah i love him with all my heart. i love josh but i love niall more" he says   
" i understand liam" a voice pipes up behind us and we turn and see its josh he looks at liam as he sits down and cries  
" Josh..... i love... " liam starts saying but josh cuts him off  
" so am i like niall is to zayn is that why you are so mad at him ... because he is just like you.... i am just a fuck to get your mind off of niall"   
" Josh no i am just confused" liam chokes out  
" liam when you figure out what you want come find me " josh says as he gets up and walks out of the hospital  
" liam are you okay" i say looking at the sadness in his eyes   
" yep louis i am just fucking peachy i love my ex- bestfriend's boyfriend and the guy i am well was in a relationship with thinks he is a rebound my life is just perfect " liam screams at me   
" liam calm down louis cares about you he was just asking you a question" harry says   
" just fuck off both of you" he says   
" hey guys what's wrong " zayn says as he is wheeled towards us  
" well my boyfriend left me because i am in love with your boyfriend and i will never get to be with him because of you " liam says with rage in his eyes   
" because of me " zayn says wincing in pain because of his surgery  
" zayn calm down you to liam we should all be happy niall is going to be okay" harry says trying to cut the tension  
" he only has a 75% chance of making it " zayn says   
" its better than a 0% chance" i say   
" lets just all wait for him to wake up" harry says  
" yeah lets keep it together for niall " i say   
little did i know that one sentence would change the band forever. i never thought that sentence would be the reason everything went to hell.


	45. ZAYN "CORNY" MALIK is in love

Louis P.O.V  
Its only been a couple hours since niall has been out of surgery and he still hasn't woken up. we are all nervous as fuck. me and liam are sitting there waiting for zayn and harry to get back they said they had something important to do like really what could be more important to them than our nialler.  
" hey lou are you thinking about where zayn and harry are?" liam says dragging me out of my thoughs   
" yeah its just so weird they should be here when niall wakes up what could possibly be more important than him " i say looking sad   
" Lou did the things i say to zayn hurt him that badly was i wrong for saying them" liam responds holding back tears   
"Li-LI why are you crying "  
" lou i am crying " liam starts saying but he does that eyebrow thingy he does when he thinks and he turns around and looks at niall his bright blue eyes are staring right into his soul. you can see the passion in niall's eyes but in liams there is nothing but confusion and regret but regret for what?  
" Liam where is zayn"? niall asks horsely  
" he went with harry somewhere" liam says as he walks out of the room   
" Lou whats wrong with liam" he says looking confused  
" niall josh heard him say he is still in love with you but he is in love with josh to" i say nervously  
"oh" is all he says as i see his aquamarine eyes fade to a dark blue grey i feel my heart drop.  
" niall zayn still loves you" i say smiling  
" Z..Zayn has a girlfriend and is getting engadged" he says his eyes getting darker and cloudier with every word he says   
" no niall he left her he still loves you why don't you believe me " i say looking at him   
" because someone like him could never love someone like me " he says losing the last little bit of light in his eye  
" if he didn't love you why would he donate a kidney to save you " i say and his eyes light up a little i breathe out a sigh of relief as zayn and harry walk in zayn is asking " harry do you like the ring i got do you think its going to be perfect for me to "he pauses and runs to niall and hugs her " nialler you are awake i missed you so much baby please don't ever ever do that again !!!"  
"why so i can get my hopes up so you can just smash them into pieces" niall says coldly and emotionless " so you can go back to that slut"  
" niall i left her for good i don't love her i love you " he says crying   
" no you don't i am just a rebound" niall says with his last bit of strength before he falls asleep  
i pull zayn out of the room " what the fuck zayn why would you argue back with him he has been awake for what about 20 minutes he needs time to heal not time to be verbally assaulted by his "boyfriend if i can even call you that maybe liam is right maybe he is better for niall" i scream at him  
" i am good for niall what do you guys not get i love him so fucking much i was to blind to see.that he's still the one (see what i did there) and that i loved him first, i want to prove that i'm not afraid. and its gotta be him, cus he has the one thing i need, i chance like this usually only comes once in a lifetime but i guess i am lucky. cus after all of the little things i have done to hurt him all the same mistakes, i shouldn't been lucky enough to be the one to save his heart and mind, i would walk down the aisle just to see him smile, he is my love my voice my reason to be, not even the gods about could seperate the two of us, when i see him he gives me a heart attack, i love my little 5 foot something with the skinny jeans, and aint nobody gonna steal my boy" zayn rambles off  
" god zayn you are so fucking corny" i say giggling  
" yeah but thats why i love my bradford bad boi" a high pitch voice says   
so guys who do you think said that was it niall or perrie


End file.
